youth mentoring programs Archives - Kelly Fair

Are Black Beauty Standards Better About Inclusion?

on October 6, 2016October 6, 2016 By kellyfairthementor

October marks Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Now, you might be thinking: “what does beauty standards have to do with domestic violence?” And I’m here to tell you that they are linked…and it will all be explained in a future post about Domestic Violence. For now, know that the larger issues of sexism and racism play a part; and these are apparent in our beauty standards and our treatment of women.

Our society has normalized white beauty leaving little to no space for women of color. This doesn’t mean women of color have been quiet…not at all! There have been many movements created by women of color to celebrate their unique beauty. And we love all that self-love!

Although we are creating space and change in society with these movements and with these ideas, we are still not perfect. According to Demtria Lucas D’Oyley from The Root:

“There’s nothing wrong with celebrating beauty or black culture distinguishing itself by celebrating our own outlook. But it is important that in our conversations and perspectives about beauty, we make room to be inclusive of many shapes, sizes and curves—even those without them.”

Women of color and white women struggle with notions of body image—especially meeting unrealistic expectations. In her article, Demetria mentions Tiara Harris as having a “figure that is ‘ideal’ for black women—narrow waist, ample bosom, thick thighs, and prominent rear”. These idealizations have caused many women who do not have this figure naturally to seek ways to “enhance” their natural shapes. Charing Ball of Madame Noire shares her insecurity about her own figure:

“I’ve always been insecure about my behind – or lack thereof. Growing up it wasn’t easy being the black girl without a big butt. I remember having a boyfriend frankly tell me one time that my big breasts, thick thighs and hips were nice but I would “look better” if I had a bigger behind. He wasn’t the only one who told me that. Even my closest girlfriends chide[d] me about my “white girl” shape.”

When creating space for inclusion in our society’s beauty world, it is important not to accidentally exclude people even more. We want women of all shapes and hues to know that they are beautiful, special, and unique.

And it is essential that this conversation is had without the backdrop of boys or men. When we discuss women’s beauty in context of the male gaze, we are uniting the two as one unit. However, a woman’s beauty is not based on a man’s approval. While we may know this in the back of our minds, it does not always follow through in our initial thoughts or conversations. A woman’s beauty comes from her mind, heart, and soul. It is not based on our face, our figure, or a man’s approval.

Don’t limit yourselves. Stay confident. Stay beautiful.

How can you encourage positive self-esteem in your girls?

Let them know they are beautiful not “despite” physical appearances, but because of everything that makes them who they are
Show them women of all sizes, hair styles, skin color, and figures to let them know that variety and diversity exist and are beautiful
Be a good role model! Don’t put other women down for not being “ideal”
Connect your girls with supportive mentoring groups that encourage positive self-esteem

K. Fair Went Back to School

on October 8, 2015October 8, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

Kelly Fair had the amazing opportunity to speak to future leaders at Duke University Women’s Center. She spent two days engaging with students, faculty, and staff on the mission and story of Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program–to empower young women.

Kelly Fair’s visit to the Duke University Women’s Center reflects two critically important theoretical frameworks which underpin our mission: women serving as engaged leaders and social justice. Kelly epitomizes both and we are excited for our students to engage with her.

– Dr. Stephanie Helms-Pickett, Director, Duke University Women’s Center

As guest lecturer to the senior women’s seminar, Kelly was able to inspire young, college women on the importance of social justice work, and its intersection with business. Kelly spoke on how to jumpstart a non-profit organization. This includes how to brand not only your organization and mission, but yourself as a professional. Her story as a successful entrepreneur became a learning tool for Duke University. Further, Kelly’s work with Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program speaks to the Duke Women’s Center focus on gender equity. Polished Pebbles empowers young girls by teaching them the vital life skill of effective communication. Kelly and Polished Pebbles encourage these girls to strive for leadership positions in their schools, communities, and futures. Goals which she now shares with Duke University Women’s Center.

Not to mention, she left with new friends…

5 Reasons Why You Support Polished Pebbles

on October 1, 2015October 1, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

For the month of September, we encouraged you to donate to Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program. And we want to say, “THANK YOU!” It is because of supporters like you that we are able to provide our girls with enriching learning activities. While people have donated to Polished Pebbles for various reasons, we have here our top five reasons to support girls in your community:

Self Image. Young girls are constantly bombarded with not-so-positive images of black women. This causes stereotypes and caricatures to become false realities they might try and emulate. The angry black woman, oversexed backup dancer, gold-digger, and baby mama are not the only images that should be present in the general media. But it can seem that they are. Mentoring not only shatters these false images by providing positive alternatives, but it teaches girls another way to think of themselves. Mentoring programs and relationships can help to spread the “body positive” and “natural hair” movements. While curly is not better than straight and curvy is not better than thin, it gives girls the ability to choose! They are exposed to all of the possibilities, all of the many ways to love themselves.

Educational Achievement. A successful mentoring program and mentoring relationship will bring out the best in your girls. It will encourage and support them as they move through the world. In a previous blog post on KellyFairtheMentor.com, Kelly Fair shared an article by Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu, “Have Black Girls Been Overlooked?” from the “Black Star Journal”. She brings to our attention the lack of attention paid to black girls in education. We focus on black boys, their dropout rates and the school to prison pipeline. We tend to forget that black girls are in the same vicious cycle. According to the article, 12% of black girls are suspended from school and 40% are dropping out! Mentoring programs bring the necessary attention to black girls so that they don’t get left behind in school. We want all our girls to recognize their intelligence and strive for academic success. Let’s ensure that black girls are no longer overlooked!

Female Social Support. Growing up I remember my mother telling me that girls are mean to each other. Instead of banding together in camaraderie, girls are competing with one another for beauty, love, and acknowledgement. While not always the case, this conflict is noticeable during school years. This war between women hinders our ability to develop positive female relationships; who could be our possible sisters in arms as we combat these obstacles. Girls focused mentoring programs break down these competitive natures to help develop lasting, supporting relationships. This will become the cornerstone to future relationships your girls will make in life. They will learn to see one another as a teammate, a co-worker, a mentor, and a friend.

Life Skills. Mentoring programs focus on different points of intervention. Some programs target relationship building and others target studying habits. Polished Pebbles, as you may know, focuses on developing communication skills to positive, respectful interactions with peers and adults. While you may not think your daughter is lacking in any of these skills, it never hurts to get a little extra practice. Plus, these are all real and useable skills! Mentoring programs prepare young girls for adult life by teaching them how to effectively be a grown-up. Do you think you came out of the womb ready to manage finances or mediate conflict? No, someone taught you!

This Pebble. When asked about how she has benefited from the Polished Pebbles program, this young pebble perfectly replied: “Being dedicated. When I give my word, I want to be there. Being there for your sister. I can call all these young ladies my sisters because of the bond we have right now.” We want all young black girls out there to feel this way about their peers, their sisters! She sums out all of the reasons why mentoring is necessary for young black girls!

We hope that these five reasons inspire you to get your girls involved in a mentoring program! As human beings with knowledge and caring hearts, we can join together to ensure a positive future for black girls. As Polished Pebbles says, Together She Will Shine!

To make a one-time donation or join our monthly giving program, click here…

Inside the Corporate World: Tamia Davis at ThoughtWorks

on September 3, 2015September 3, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

This summer, three of our Polished Pebbles had the opportunity to intern at ThoughtWorks. Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program strives to teach young girls professional communication, behavior, and dress to thrive in future work settings. An important part of that learning process is being in a professional work setting. These girls were able to apply their Polished Pebbles knowledge in the real world. We are proud of our young women! And we want them to share their experience with you.

Tamia Davis

My internship at ThoughtWorks was truly amazing! It gave me insight into how a company runs from the inside. They really made me feel like I was part of their team. They gave us ID badges that we got to use everyday to enter the building. You never really know how something works until you have been placed in their shoes. ThoughtWorks, inside and out, is such an outstanding company and I’m glad I got to be a part of that experience with them! ThoughtWorks is not like any other company; they are unique and like no other. Everybody at the company is so friendly and did such a great job at making us feel welcome.

During my six week adventure with ThoughtWorks I learned a numerous number of skills, such as coding, sourcing, and identifying different law documents. We even got to learn about the duties of facilities, the recruiting and hiring process, and how the money and expenses of ThoughtWorks gets reported. The first three weeks, my schedule was to go to legal contracts, lunch, and then recruiting. The second three weeks, I went to finance, lunch, and then facilities.

The most exciting part of the whole experience was prompting my first test for the new hires! I also loved how we switched into the four different departments and got to bond and learn about those departments. Another exciting part of the experience was that at the end of the program…they let us keep our MacBook Pro laptops that we did all our work on! The most challenging part of it all was trying to see what I was going to wear everyday.

Polished Pebbles has really opened up another door for me and I am so thankful to be part of such a fantastic organization. They really helped me when it came to introduction and making myself stand out so that I could leave a good impression, as I did with ThoughtWorks. I built relationships with the people there and made sure they will remember who I am. Overall, I am really grateful that I got to be part of the ThoughtWorks internship. Thanks to Polished Pebbles, my summer has been absolutely amazing and truly unforgettable!

Thank you, ThoughtWorks for providing our pebbles with such rewarding experiences!

Tamia Davis: Inside Black Girls Lead!

on August 20, 2015August 20, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

Black Girls Rock hosted their annual Black Girls Lead Conference this summer in New York, NY. It is an international leadership conference for young, black women to “offer girls tools and resources to become leaders, innovate, and serve confidently”. With 65 girls present from the U.S.A., Ghana, South Africa, Canada, and the UK, we are excited to announce that one of our own pebbles attended the conference! Tamia Davis, Polished Pebbles mentee and current summer intern at ThoughtWorks, attended the four day leadership conference in New York. Big thank you to the Microsoft store in Oakbrook for fully funding Tamia Davis. She learned a lot about herself and greater society during those four days and has a lot to share with you!

How excited would you be if you got to participate in the Black Girls Rock Inc. Universal Conference–Black Girls Lead? Well let me tell you, it is exciting! I was among 65 girls accepted out of 500 applicants to come to New York and stay at Barnard college for their Black Girls Lead Conference. At first, I was scared because this was my first time traveling alone to a new place, especially one as big as New York. And not knowing anyone! All that fear went away when I stepped off the plane, I had a blast!

The conference was a panel of different successful woman who taught us how to love the skin we’re in. Through the challenges they faced in their lives, they didn’t let their skin tone stop them. The founder of Black Girls Rock! Beverly Bond is an amazing person and I had the honor to meet with her. I also met with other successful women, such as Ebony Rose and Glenda Smiley, Mikki Taylor, Michaela Angela Davis, Eva Marcille, Dutches, Angela Beyonce, recording artists Lil Mama and Rhapsody, spokesman Marc Lamont Hill, and many more. They gave us lessons on how to successfully live our everyday lives. We took a variety of lessons during the four days we were there. We took dance classes at Alvin Ailey studios with one of the dance instructors, we took a poetry class with Ms. Lyrispect, and even finance classes. In between each panel they strived to build each girls confidence by having us get on stage and telling us why we rock.

It was so much fun and I really enjoyed my time in New York! I built relationships with the counselors that were watching over us, as well as the girls that came together from all over the world! Many times Ms. Glenda and Ms. Beverly Bond would play around on the mic. They came up with raps and shared them with us. It was hilarious–they are really fun loving people. Ms. Beverly Bond gave me the nickname Law and Order because I often expressed my love for law. I also met people involved with the BET foundation, such as the president of media Louis Carr and powerhouse entertainment lawyer Lisa Davis. We were even challenged to complete a 40 day social media campaign with Tai Beauchamp putting up pictures or quotes uplifting black girls with the hashtag #BGRTaiChallenge the winner gets some mystery prize. Overall, my experience in New York at Black Girls Lead was truly amazing. I’ve built connections and relationships with successful, inspiring women. For every girl at the conference this was a dream. And I am so excited to thank Polished Pebbles, who was behind me every step of the way.

Looking Beyond Dolezal

on June 18, 2015June 18, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

By now, most people have heard of the curious case of Rachel Dolezal. Her story has brought intrigue into issues of race, gender, and systemic oppressions. While her story has shed light on modern day racism, it is important that we look beyond Dolezal, beyond this media frenzy.

Arnesha Bowers. A lesser known name. Mic article by Darnell Moore criticizes media and society for being sucked into the world Dolezal has created. While many of us were eagerly following her twitter updates and news stories, Arnesha Bowers became a tragic victim to violence. In his words:

“What concerns me most is the fact that the theoreticals and speculations on the assumed performance of race in [Dolezal’s] story trump our ability to see and respond to the tragic material realities of race and gender in the lives of everyday black girls and women…”

He is bringing attention to the “other side of the crisis”, which Polished Pebbles has been fighting for! We have said it time and again, black girls and women are predominantly ignored by society and media–they struggle in silence with few resources to support them.

Again, Moore so wonderfully sums up the crisis:

“If we are familiar with Dolezal’s name and story — a story about a white woman who self-identifies as a black woman and purports to fight on behalf of black people — we must remain aware of the plights of black women and girls who are the victims of violence — girls like Bowers.”

Only together will she shine!

Celebrating Another Year of Mentoring Girls in Chicago!

on June 26, 2014June 26, 2014 By kellyfairthementor

As you complete either major projects, summer initiatives, or even programming years with your youth mentoring programs, it’s always important to celebrate your victories through documentation and photographs. It’s a great way to historically document your achievements as an organization, the achievements of the youth that you serve, demonstrate the achievements of contributing staff and volunteers, and it also serves as some evidence of your potential impact as a youth mentoring program. This celebratory documentation can be in the format of individualized letters or communications with pictures directed towards specific stakeholders like partnering schools, organizations, and sponsors. You can share it in printed or electronic newsletters, or on social media as well. And, it also can give you a great opportunity to motivate potential donors to give to your organization as well. So, to mark the end of another successful programming year with my mentoring program Polished Pebbles I’ve decided to share some of our year-end newsletter with you! Enjoy!

And, if you feel moved….you can donate to Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program here: GIVE!!!

Thanks,

Kelly

KellyFairTheMentor