polished pebbles Archives - Page 2 of 5 - Kelly Fair

When Did You Stop Seeing Your Beauty?

on October 22, 2015October 22, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

According to CNN, it may be as young as 5 years. Starting at this young age, girls are becoming hyper aware of their bodies, more specifically, their “thinness”. By age 7, one in four girls have either restricted their eating or engaged in some form dieting to get closer to their ideal body weight. This is no longer a teenage problem.

Girls are being pressured to conform to perceived societal beauty standards. Although we know bodies on magazine covers are photoshopped, they still press in our minds as the ideal. This isn’t just about beauty anymore…it is about health. The pressure and anxiety girls are feeling to be “beautiful” are pushing them towards unhealthy practices. Negative body image and self-esteem can lead to eating-disorders, depression, relationships problems, and even long term health problems or struggles with addiction. It is time to stop the fat talk.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSVTRHU28ng&w=560&h=315]

We want to turn that message around! We want our girls to know that they are…

B E A U T I F U L.

A lot of the negative body image comes from internal views of oneself, and when you can really shift that conversation from how does someone look to how does someone feel, then kids can really start to think about what their choices are and how they have control over how they feel, and that brings positive self-esteem and self-awareness.

What can you do to to support your daughter?

Have a conversation. To really be able to understand what is going on with your daughter, you have to know what she is thinking. Engage her in conversation about body image and health. The more comfortable she is sharing with you, the more likely you will know if her thoughts or behaviors become unhealthy.
Be a role model. As the article states, our girls learn from us. Show them what a strong, confident, beautiful woman looks like…everyone! Let them know that there is more to beauty than society’s standards. Give them confidence by showing them yours.
Prioritize health. We were always taught of the connection between body weight and size and health. But, an ideal, healthy body for one woman looks completely different for another. Body size and health do not go hand in hand. Let your daughter know that she can be healthy at any size! By focusing her attention on being healthy, it becomes easier to shed negative thoughts. Instead of having her goal be to fit into a size 2, have it be to run 2 miles. Small differences can lead to big changes in your daughters mentality.
Surround her with support. Let your daughter know that she is not the only one struggling with these thoughts about her body and her size. Nearly all women (dare I say all women) perceive flaws in their appearance, causing stress and anxiety. Make sure she is surrounded by positive voices and love. See if she wants to be involved in a volunteer program, sports team, mentoring program, or another type of group activity that encourages her to form strong friendships.

If you’re interested in reading the research article, click here…

K. Fair Went Back to School

on October 8, 2015October 8, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

Kelly Fair had the amazing opportunity to speak to future leaders at Duke University Women’s Center. She spent two days engaging with students, faculty, and staff on the mission and story of Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program–to empower young women.

Kelly Fair’s visit to the Duke University Women’s Center reflects two critically important theoretical frameworks which underpin our mission: women serving as engaged leaders and social justice. Kelly epitomizes both and we are excited for our students to engage with her.

– Dr. Stephanie Helms-Pickett, Director, Duke University Women’s Center

As guest lecturer to the senior women’s seminar, Kelly was able to inspire young, college women on the importance of social justice work, and its intersection with business. Kelly spoke on how to jumpstart a non-profit organization. This includes how to brand not only your organization and mission, but yourself as a professional. Her story as a successful entrepreneur became a learning tool for Duke University. Further, Kelly’s work with Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program speaks to the Duke Women’s Center focus on gender equity. Polished Pebbles empowers young girls by teaching them the vital life skill of effective communication. Kelly and Polished Pebbles encourage these girls to strive for leadership positions in their schools, communities, and futures. Goals which she now shares with Duke University Women’s Center.

Not to mention, she left with new friends…

5 Reasons Why You Support Polished Pebbles

on October 1, 2015October 1, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

For the month of September, we encouraged you to donate to Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program. And we want to say, “THANK YOU!” It is because of supporters like you that we are able to provide our girls with enriching learning activities. While people have donated to Polished Pebbles for various reasons, we have here our top five reasons to support girls in your community:

Self Image. Young girls are constantly bombarded with not-so-positive images of black women. This causes stereotypes and caricatures to become false realities they might try and emulate. The angry black woman, oversexed backup dancer, gold-digger, and baby mama are not the only images that should be present in the general media. But it can seem that they are. Mentoring not only shatters these false images by providing positive alternatives, but it teaches girls another way to think of themselves. Mentoring programs and relationships can help to spread the “body positive” and “natural hair” movements. While curly is not better than straight and curvy is not better than thin, it gives girls the ability to choose! They are exposed to all of the possibilities, all of the many ways to love themselves.

Educational Achievement. A successful mentoring program and mentoring relationship will bring out the best in your girls. It will encourage and support them as they move through the world. In a previous blog post on KellyFairtheMentor.com, Kelly Fair shared an article by Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu, “Have Black Girls Been Overlooked?” from the “Black Star Journal”. She brings to our attention the lack of attention paid to black girls in education. We focus on black boys, their dropout rates and the school to prison pipeline. We tend to forget that black girls are in the same vicious cycle. According to the article, 12% of black girls are suspended from school and 40% are dropping out! Mentoring programs bring the necessary attention to black girls so that they don’t get left behind in school. We want all our girls to recognize their intelligence and strive for academic success. Let’s ensure that black girls are no longer overlooked!

Female Social Support. Growing up I remember my mother telling me that girls are mean to each other. Instead of banding together in camaraderie, girls are competing with one another for beauty, love, and acknowledgement. While not always the case, this conflict is noticeable during school years. This war between women hinders our ability to develop positive female relationships; who could be our possible sisters in arms as we combat these obstacles. Girls focused mentoring programs break down these competitive natures to help develop lasting, supporting relationships. This will become the cornerstone to future relationships your girls will make in life. They will learn to see one another as a teammate, a co-worker, a mentor, and a friend.

Life Skills. Mentoring programs focus on different points of intervention. Some programs target relationship building and others target studying habits. Polished Pebbles, as you may know, focuses on developing communication skills to positive, respectful interactions with peers and adults. While you may not think your daughter is lacking in any of these skills, it never hurts to get a little extra practice. Plus, these are all real and useable skills! Mentoring programs prepare young girls for adult life by teaching them how to effectively be a grown-up. Do you think you came out of the womb ready to manage finances or mediate conflict? No, someone taught you!

This Pebble. When asked about how she has benefited from the Polished Pebbles program, this young pebble perfectly replied: “Being dedicated. When I give my word, I want to be there. Being there for your sister. I can call all these young ladies my sisters because of the bond we have right now.” We want all young black girls out there to feel this way about their peers, their sisters! She sums out all of the reasons why mentoring is necessary for young black girls!

We hope that these five reasons inspire you to get your girls involved in a mentoring program! As human beings with knowledge and caring hearts, we can join together to ensure a positive future for black girls. As Polished Pebbles says, Together She Will Shine!

To make a one-time donation or join our monthly giving program, click here…

What Do Potus and Polished Pebbles Have in Common?

on September 24, 2015September 24, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

At Polished Pebbles we strive to teach our girls to fierce leaders by teaching them the skills of communication and professionalism. We hope to impart in them the belief that they are strong and capable. On September 19, President Obama echoed these thoughts. He brought national attention to the challenges faced by black woman and girls at the Congressional Black Caucus 45th Annual Phoenix Award Dinner.

Black women were central in the fight for women’s rights, from suffrage to the feminist movement and yet despite their leadership, too often they were also marginalized. But they didn’t give up, they didn’t let up. They were too fierce for that. Black women have always understood the words of Pauli Murray — that “Hope is a song in a weary throat.”

We have shared with you the astonishing truths in our society that are confining our black girls. From sex trafficking to school discipline, our girls are in danger in their very communities. Even now, black women make 64 cents to a dollar compared to white men (white woman are 77 cents to the dollar). Kelly Fair believes more research, media, and communities need to focus on young, African-American women. And so does President Obama. Potus and Polished Pebbles are urging our society to not ignore black women any longer, to recognize they are being hurt by institutions and systems in the United States, and to teach our black girls that they are intelligent and successful.

He leaves us with this beautiful, powerful message:

So we all have to be louder than the voices that are telling our girls they’re not good enough, that they’ve got to look a certain way, or they’ve got to act a certain way, or set their goals at a certain level. We’ve got to affirm their sense of self-worth, and make them feel visible and beautiful, and understood and loved.

Watch President Obama’s speech here:

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JvaLQtm6E0&w=560&h=315]

Let Your Light Shine!

on September 10, 2015September 10, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

On September 17, 2015 we will be honoring our awardees and supporting Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program at the Together She Will Shine Reception. If you have yet to RSVP for the event, click here to get your ticket. On this day, we take time to recognize the other side of the crisis; the obstacles that stand in the way of our black girls. We recognize the work that Polished Pebbles and our awardees have done to help clear the path to success for them.

A note from our founder, Kelly Fair:

Six years ago after leaving my corporate job, I sought to fill a void and keep a girls group mentoring program going in my community just like my mentor Rev. Dr. Linda Shepherd taught me right before her sudden death. I didn’t have huge plans for the organization to be much more than a monthly place where girls and women could come together and grow personally and professionally, collectively. Since that time, we have grown from serving two girls to well over 1200 in 40 different program sites. That’s all due to family, friends, volunteers, staff, and community members who have supported our work from the start. So often, people approach this work focused on what they want to impart upon young or the needy. But, my philosophy has always been “we are drawn to this work”, not always because of what we think we have to give, but instead we are in fact the very ones in need of the most love, and growth. My confidence, self worth, skill, ability to love others unconditionally, and wisdom grows daily because of my involvement in Polished Pebbles. Join me to celebrate 6 years of our growth as a community, and the altitudes we’ll go in six more years!

Here’s an idea of how YOUR support will help to create successful futures for our young girls…

Inside the Corporate World: Tamia Davis at ThoughtWorks

on September 3, 2015September 3, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

This summer, three of our Polished Pebbles had the opportunity to intern at ThoughtWorks. Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program strives to teach young girls professional communication, behavior, and dress to thrive in future work settings. An important part of that learning process is being in a professional work setting. These girls were able to apply their Polished Pebbles knowledge in the real world. We are proud of our young women! And we want them to share their experience with you.

Tamia Davis

My internship at ThoughtWorks was truly amazing! It gave me insight into how a company runs from the inside. They really made me feel like I was part of their team. They gave us ID badges that we got to use everyday to enter the building. You never really know how something works until you have been placed in their shoes. ThoughtWorks, inside and out, is such an outstanding company and I’m glad I got to be a part of that experience with them! ThoughtWorks is not like any other company; they are unique and like no other. Everybody at the company is so friendly and did such a great job at making us feel welcome.

During my six week adventure with ThoughtWorks I learned a numerous number of skills, such as coding, sourcing, and identifying different law documents. We even got to learn about the duties of facilities, the recruiting and hiring process, and how the money and expenses of ThoughtWorks gets reported. The first three weeks, my schedule was to go to legal contracts, lunch, and then recruiting. The second three weeks, I went to finance, lunch, and then facilities.

The most exciting part of the whole experience was prompting my first test for the new hires! I also loved how we switched into the four different departments and got to bond and learn about those departments. Another exciting part of the experience was that at the end of the program…they let us keep our MacBook Pro laptops that we did all our work on! The most challenging part of it all was trying to see what I was going to wear everyday.

Polished Pebbles has really opened up another door for me and I am so thankful to be part of such a fantastic organization. They really helped me when it came to introduction and making myself stand out so that I could leave a good impression, as I did with ThoughtWorks. I built relationships with the people there and made sure they will remember who I am. Overall, I am really grateful that I got to be part of the ThoughtWorks internship. Thanks to Polished Pebbles, my summer has been absolutely amazing and truly unforgettable!

Thank you, ThoughtWorks for providing our pebbles with such rewarding experiences!

Life of a Pebbles Intern: Erica Rattler at ThoughtWorks

on August 27, 2015August 27, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

Erica Rattler

During my time at Thought Works I learned many skills, such as multitasking and business etiquette. During the Internship, I had a few challenges. Some of these challengers were with remembering certain things, such as putting in time cards at the end of the week and preparing myself for scheduled meetings and presentations. However, I did manage to get better and become more ready and prepared for these tasks as I worked.

The most exciting part of the internship was everything! I loved meeting new people and learning their diversity, working with others on assignments, collaborating with others, moving to different departments, and taking what I learned to school and other aspects of life. At ThoughtWorks, some people might think its a very strict and busy place to be, but that’s not true. An average day can be busy or laid back, depending on scheduled events. However, there is always work to be done. ThoughtWorkers are all dedicated to their work but also know when to have fun and not be a busy body all the time! Overall, I had a great time here at ThoughtWorks and I would love to come back!

Polished Pebbles has also helped in several ways. They taught me how to carry myself as a working woman and to always be myself. With all the business etiquette and influential talks, I have become a well-minded and prepared young woman.

Thank you ThoughtWorks for providing our pebbles with such an amazing learning opportunity!

Tamia Davis: Inside Black Girls Lead!

on August 20, 2015August 20, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

Black Girls Rock hosted their annual Black Girls Lead Conference this summer in New York, NY. It is an international leadership conference for young, black women to “offer girls tools and resources to become leaders, innovate, and serve confidently”. With 65 girls present from the U.S.A., Ghana, South Africa, Canada, and the UK, we are excited to announce that one of our own pebbles attended the conference! Tamia Davis, Polished Pebbles mentee and current summer intern at ThoughtWorks, attended the four day leadership conference in New York. Big thank you to the Microsoft store in Oakbrook for fully funding Tamia Davis. She learned a lot about herself and greater society during those four days and has a lot to share with you!

How excited would you be if you got to participate in the Black Girls Rock Inc. Universal Conference–Black Girls Lead? Well let me tell you, it is exciting! I was among 65 girls accepted out of 500 applicants to come to New York and stay at Barnard college for their Black Girls Lead Conference. At first, I was scared because this was my first time traveling alone to a new place, especially one as big as New York. And not knowing anyone! All that fear went away when I stepped off the plane, I had a blast!

The conference was a panel of different successful woman who taught us how to love the skin we’re in. Through the challenges they faced in their lives, they didn’t let their skin tone stop them. The founder of Black Girls Rock! Beverly Bond is an amazing person and I had the honor to meet with her. I also met with other successful women, such as Ebony Rose and Glenda Smiley, Mikki Taylor, Michaela Angela Davis, Eva Marcille, Dutches, Angela Beyonce, recording artists Lil Mama and Rhapsody, spokesman Marc Lamont Hill, and many more. They gave us lessons on how to successfully live our everyday lives. We took a variety of lessons during the four days we were there. We took dance classes at Alvin Ailey studios with one of the dance instructors, we took a poetry class with Ms. Lyrispect, and even finance classes. In between each panel they strived to build each girls confidence by having us get on stage and telling us why we rock.

It was so much fun and I really enjoyed my time in New York! I built relationships with the counselors that were watching over us, as well as the girls that came together from all over the world! Many times Ms. Glenda and Ms. Beverly Bond would play around on the mic. They came up with raps and shared them with us. It was hilarious–they are really fun loving people. Ms. Beverly Bond gave me the nickname Law and Order because I often expressed my love for law. I also met people involved with the BET foundation, such as the president of media Louis Carr and powerhouse entertainment lawyer Lisa Davis. We were even challenged to complete a 40 day social media campaign with Tai Beauchamp putting up pictures or quotes uplifting black girls with the hashtag #BGRTaiChallenge the winner gets some mystery prize. Overall, my experience in New York at Black Girls Lead was truly amazing. I’ve built connections and relationships with successful, inspiring women. For every girl at the conference this was a dream. And I am so excited to thank Polished Pebbles, who was behind me every step of the way.

#WhatSheNeeds: The College Transition

on July 30, 2015July 30, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

#WhatSheNeeds will provide insights into the experiences of black women in college. From the freshman transition to the affects of social media, these women have a lot to say! Black women are out enrolling every other group in college, but not experiencing the same high levels of success 4 years later in their careers. Through #WhatSheNeeds, we hope to learn a little more about what she needs to succeed–what did their institutions have and what were they lacking? #WhatSheNeeds explores the transition from high school to college. As Jasmine Hosley explains, you go from being “a high schooler dependent on your mama, to a college student still kind of dependent on your mama”. While high school is meant to prepare students for the academic rigors of college, a lot of freshman still struggle their first semester. Here’s what our young women had to say about their freshman transition.

Some of the women found academics to be one of their biggest challenges:

“While I was ready, I was also not ready. Because I felt like while they were getting us ready for college, there were a lot of ways for us to get around in high school. Like, if you didn’t want to do your homework…you could have written anything down and not actually do your homework.” –Sadariah Harrel

“Well in college…you’re on your own. There’s a lot more freedom. There’s no teacher tracking you down saying, ‘Do your homework!’ There’s a lot more growing up.” –Sydney Tyler

Others had to adjust socially:

“My biggest struggle would have to be getting used to not being home and experiencing new people. You know, I’m not around people from Chicago. People who think like me, dress like me.” –Courtney Neal

What was essential for a smooth transition? Support from the college:

“The student government was helpful by working with the underclassmen with social problems, academic problems…feeling homesick. They were good at working with the students because they had been through it before. If you had a problem they were there to guide you through it, so you could have a successful school year.” –Courtney Neal

“That summer before my fall semester, summer of 2006, I participated in a summer bridge program at Philander Smith. Their program was geared to those interested in the science and math departments. The programs encouraged African American students to major in science or mathematics. They provided us with a college mentor who were juniors or sophomores…I will say that was very helpful” –Terri Floyd

“I wish that it would have been a little bit easier. The whole welcome week and the activities were helpful. Dillard really makes you feel like you are at home…but at the same time it’s kind of rough. Because once [your parents are] gone it’s reality time, they’re gone and it’s time to go to school.” –Jasmine Hosley

One of the women, Jasmine Hosley, spoke of the importance of supporting others during their freshman transition:

“I do get involved when we do shadow day and everything. I like to participate and become the student ambassador and show them around and everything because I know how important it is.”

Don’t forget to give back and pass on your knowledge! We all have the potential to be mentors and supporters of other college women. Whether your actions are big or small, they are important.

#WhatSheNeeds: Parental Support

on July 23, 2015July 23, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

#WhatSheNeeds continues with our first topic…Parental Support! For all of our interviewees, parents have been incredible supports during the college experience. But sometimes, things got a little sticky. Parents always wants what is best for their children, but sometimes this causes tension for college students. As summer is quickly passing, all you parents are getting ready to send your daughters off to college–some for the first time! We want you to know how to best support your daughters in their academic career! Here is some advice from our lovely college women…

Anessa Trask said in her interview, “Your parent’s dream career for you, may not be YOUR dream career for you.”

This is exactly what Sadariah experienced…

Sadariah Harrel is majoring in Business Management, but her dream lies in the arts:

“I’m not in school for what I want to be in school for. Me, I’m more of the creative type; I’m more of the art time. I love to write…Anything that deals with my imagination, I love to do it. And I feel like it’s such a big thing in society being an African American female, being a female period. Its like you have to be in a field where it’s like business or computer science just so you can be competitive because you are a female. And my mother she’s a computer analyst so she’s like, “You have to do that, you have to do this.” And I’m like “No, I love English and I love reading and I want to write”. And she’s like “No. If I’m paying then you’re going for what i want you to go for”…I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do. It wasn’t fun for me. It felt like I was being forced to do something.”

On the other hand, is Sydney Tyler:

“My family supports my major 100%. A lot of my family is health professionals, so it was pretty normal when I told them I was going into the health field. They’re loving it”

This isn’t to say one family is better or more supportive than another, but parenting style does affect the college experience. It can either drive a woman to success or make her feel a little lackluster about her future.

But don’t pity Sadariah. While pursuing her business major, she knows she can express her creativity in other ways. As she told me, “I can always publish books on the side”.

Mostly, these women just want to make their families proud:

“I am first generation in my family. I am the only child of a single parent. It was my first college experience with applying to colleges and getting into college. And I did it. All with the support of my mom, and it was a wonderful experience.” –Sydney Tyler

“I’m the first to go so far away. I’m far away from my family. I’m out there on my own. I’m the first person to go to an HBCU, the first person to pledge a sorority, the first person to become a nursing major. Sometimes I feel a lot of pressure because I am doing so many firsts! And I don’t want to let anyone down, or disappoint anybody. So, I’m kind of harder on myself.” –Jasmine Hosley

“Throughout my entire life I kind of felt the most pressure because I’m the only child. I’ve always been, like the ‘brain’. My cousins would always call me that and say I was a nerd. And so, I always felt like I had to live up to that, you know, title of what was given to me. Because I knew, like, no one else was fitting that at the time” –Brittany Colvin

Terri Floyd summed up the role of the parent perfectly:

“I had my family, my parents are encouragers.”

To all you parents out there with daughters headed off to college, “Be encouragers!” Your daughters want and need your support for a successful college transition and experience. Remember, you both have the same priority; to succeed!