Tag: mentor

Women on the Web: Interviews with Women Mentors You Should Know!

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At KellyFairtheMentor.com, we had the opportunity to interview two beautiful, influential women–Cameka Smith of BOSS Network and Cynthia Boykin of What U Need Is… We are happy to share with you a combined presentation of their insights and inspirations for mentoring and strengthening community!

First, a little bio on our wonderful Women on the Web. Cameka Smith is the founder of BOSS Network. Screen Shot 2014-12-10 at 10.42.51 PMWith a Master’s in Education, Cameka has dedicated herself to supporting the entrepreneurial spirit in women. As BOSS Network so succinctly and powerfully describes their founder, “Speaker, trainer, and award-winning entrepreneur…BOSS Network has evolved into a go-to resource for companies seeking female influencers as their target market. A one-stop-shop for career and entrepreneurial minded women”. Screen Shot 2014-12-10 at 10.48.39 PM

Cynthia Boykin, “The Master Networker”, is the founder of What U Need Is…an essential connection between businesses and consumers in Chicago. As is said about the founder, “Cynthia is known for being able to build relationships connecting the right people together skillfully and swiftly.”

What Are They Proud Of?

Both of these women are proud of the paths their lives have taken…with some overlap! Cameka Smith finds pride in her educational achievement. Coming from “an environment where most of my peers were looked at as a statistic”, her MA in Education helps her to work for change in her community! When her students follow their dreams she is able to see the impact she has had on youth–their successes are her successes; a constant reward. Her transition into BOSS Network only added to her positive influence in her community. Speaking of BOSS Network, Cynthia Boykin is proud to be on the leadership board! Through this opportunity she was able to meet one of her mentors, Beverly Johnson (first black woman on the cover of Vogue). Following in her mentors footsteps, Cynthia was honored by being on the cover of Black Pages International Magazine in 2011 and 2012! She’s proud to be part of such a vibrant, successful community of women entrepreneurs and business owners.

Who Have Been Their Mentors, Their Motivators?

Cynthia Boykin cannot think of a positive influence on her life without remembering her mother. Cynthia says that she is a “woman who lead by example”. In 1952 she joined the Women’s Army Corps, pushing gender boundaries to find fulfillment in her life. Similarly, Cameka Smith sees the “every day women in her life”, her mother and aunts, as her greatest motivators. She came from a big, connected, and loving family that always maintained faith and commitment to one another and community. The very women she works with through the BOSS Network are her mentors. They keep her sharp and engaged as they eagerly strive to network and succeed. Both of these women have found that the women in their lives have been role models. They have shown Cynthia and Cameka positive, successful examples of women; whether that is mother and wife or business owner and entrepreneur. Cynthia gave a warmly appreciated shout out to Kelly Fair, citing her work with Polished Pebbles as one of the best young girls mentoring program in Chicago. Thank you Ms. Cynthia Boykin!

Polished Pebbles works to provide these examples of women to our girls. As we have learned from Cameka and Cynthia, this can positively influence their self-perception, and goal setting! When surrounded by such intelligent, strong women it is hard not to set such high goals!

Do They Think Their Mentors? …Because We Sure Do!

Cameka Smith first saw herself as a mentor when she began her career in education. She saw the need to provide positive role models for her students and other youth, so she acted! She began to create mentor programs for students. She wanted to showcase young professionals; let them “see what they can become” from “all walks of life”. Although she artfully evaded the question, we are here to tell her, Cameka Smith, you are a mentor! She encourages youth, especially young girls, to join mentoring programs to push their visions and extend their platforms. Giving another evasion, Cynthia Boykin described herself as a possible example for other women. We are also here to tell her, Cynthia Boykin, you are a mentor! She is a great resource connector and networker for her clients and community. She will use anything she has and can get to support those she can, utilizing a “I got mine, now let me help you get yours” mentality. She sees her sponsorship, encouragement, and support as an investment in great, upcoming people, businesses, and organizations–future change-makers! They both see their clients and peers as a reciprocal relationship; both teachers and learners, supporters and supported.

Now, What Do They Hope To See From Their Communities?

Both Cynthia Boykin and Cameka Smith want to see you, yes you readers, contributing to your communities! They can be through time, gifts, resources, or any other way of getting involved. Cameka reminds us all that “if you have lived on this earth, then you have something that you’ve been through…that you can share with another person”. So, do just that! She would like to see more community involvement in mentoring programs for youth (at Polished Pebbles, we agree!). Cameka sees women of color as essential contirbuters to their communities because they are natural role models and leaders. Thinking on an organizational level, Cynthia Boykin echoes the same goal, but for businesses! She wants to see more community center businesses that are dedicated to the growth of their communities. If they build reciprocal relationships, then businesses can connect more with their consumers!

We all need hope in our lives. Only by sharing our stories, experiences, advice, and wisdom with others can we encourage hope to grow!

Thank You, Cameka Smith And Cynthia Boykin!

These two women have been so supportive of Polished Pebbles and the work that we do with our girls, that we want to take the time to thank them for the work that they do! By creating their networks, they are able to connect mostly women of color with essential resources to grow their businesses and names. Without them, there would definitely be less sharing and caring here in Chicago. We hope you see the positve impact you have on individuals, organizations, and communities…because we do!

Readers, get to know these women entrepreneurs, these fellow Women on the Web!

Throwing Back to 2013, Pertesha Shares Her Story

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This week we are throwing it back to 2013! A little reminiscing at the end of the year is the perfect way to remind us why we do what we do. Polished Pebbles has seen great growth in the last 5 years. We have now mentored over 1,000 girls and serve 30 sites in Chicago! To think we used to be small. During this exciting time it can be easy to get swept up in the numbers and forget about our individual impact. To each girl that goes through Polished Pebbles program, the experience is different. Although we have our mission of installing positive values, effective communication strategies, and confidence in our girls, they all take a different path. Each girl comes through our program with their own unique background and personality; making sure our work is never dull!

Now, let’s hear from a Polished Pebbles alum, Pertesha, as she shares her own Polished Pebbles story:

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyuHFSf0k4Y&w=560&h=315]

Thank you Pertesha!

Polished Pebbles has been working hard to ensure that all the girls that go through our program have such a positive experience. Here’s an infographic to let you know how we’ve been doing:

Updated Info.

Like what you’ve heard and read? Consider donating to Polished Pebbles to keep our program running strong, and our mission! With your help, small or large, Polished Pebbles will have a bright future! And together she will shine!

Click here to make your contribution! Remember, we aren’t just hoping for monetary support. If you have time, consider being a volunteer or mentor. Or, share your voice on our social media sites (including this one)!

How have you seen Polished Pebbles grow this year? What changes would you like to see in the next?

I Did Not Know That People Like Me Could Exist…

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[ted id=652 lang=en]

Chimamanda Adichie is a rockin’ novelist from Nigeria. In her TedTalk, Chimamanda shares her personal story of growing up in Nigeria reading only stories about white children with blonde hair and blue eyes. When she began to write, these characters filled her pages; though she could not relate in any way. As the media around her, books, only portrayed white children in stories, she did not know that people who looked like her could be in literature!

From then on, Chimamanda became aware of these “single stories” we develop about people and places. When we only portray people or places in a single way, they become stereotypes. These stereotypes then dominate the identities we create about others and ourselves.

Although Chimamanda speaks to Africa, the same theories can be applied to the United States, most notably, African-Americans. From the historic beginnings of black face to the more recent token person of color, the portrayal of African-Americans by mainstream media has been poor. While we may naively assume that this is contained to only fictional movies and television shows, it is not. The news and social media have been prominent aggravators of the single story surrounding African-Americans. A recent example of this is the viral video of a New York man slapping a woman on the train after being insulted and hit (read more on my JET post here).

Having these stereotypes continually presented to our youth affect their self-development. As Chimamanda says, “The problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete”. Without the full story we cannot properly mentor and support our youth. Without analyzing communities, schools, and society we cannot begin to understand the family or the youth. We must search for the full story.

How do we do this as mentors, parents, teachers, friends, or community members? WE TALK TO OUR YOUTH! They can provide us their stories.

Do not fall for the danger of the single story.

How will you create an alternate ending?

A Mentor’s Response to Viral CatCalling Video

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A younger female colleague of mine tagged me in a Facebook post with this video in it.  The video is about catcalling in New York City.  It was disseminated last week by a group called Hollaback!.  Hollaback! is a photoblog and grassroots initiative to raise awareness about and combat street harassment by posting photographs and narrative accounts of individuals’ encounters with offenders. The video shows an actress walking the streets of New York and experiencing sustained catcalls and harassment, including being followed by one man for over five minutes. The video racked up 32 million views, but came under quick scrutiny for featuring mostly men of color.  This too was my initial observation and objection to the video as well.  My thought was how can you raise awareness about a form of discrimination with a tool that discriminates?  Consequently, Hollaback! apologized last week for the suspicious lack of white men shown in the video ( read an article here). Nonetheless, as most social media centered advocacy, the message about combat catcalling definitely started a buzz and lots of dialogue.

I was that girl!

I immediately shared the video with two of the programming coordinators on my staff, and told them that I thought a dialogue about this video was definitely something that I wanted included in our upcoming curriculum with my mentoring program Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program.  The video really resonated with me, because in previous years when I worked directly with girls in our after school programs, I held conversations with girls about this very topic.  We discussed strategizing safe passage to and from school, and managing the different types of attention that they may get in public from men, desirable or undesirable.  I think it’s important conversation to have also tailored with a recognition of appropriate cultural context.  I am big on having conversations that address understanding the root, and the reaction, of certain behaviors based on the communities that we serve, that I also happen to be a product of.

The topic of teaching girls to manage this is near and dear to my heart, because it was something I grapled with in my earlier adolescence.  I was like many high school students in Chicago, and used public transportation to get to school, but I masterminded different routes to avoid unwanted attention from men, of all ages, on the streets I needed to walk down to get home. Quite frankly, I was just wasn’t mature enough, or experienced as a young woman to really know how to manage the attention and propositions made by some of the men, and distinguish hidden, and obvious, intentions.  So, instead of getting off the bus at my street, I tried to avoid as much potential foot traffic as possible, and rode the bus a couple of blocks longer to the final bus terminal.  Walking home that way helped me avoid some of the older “dudes” that were constantly outside, and was a much quieter path.  However, it was also potentially even more dangerous because it was less traveled by most.  And, I was kind of isolating myself, and potentially setting myself up to be more accessible for actual crimes like kidnap, rape, etc.  But, as I grew I adapted.  I learned to ignore some of the comments, and play like I was hard of hearing, or listening to headphones.  I also started using the strategy of looking so intently focused, and a little mean, with my face that it actually turned a lot of them off! LOL!  And, then I learned how to be polite, thank them for the complement, and tell them that I already had a boyfriend, and didn’t need any more friends.

My mature shift in perspective.

As I have grown and matured, I’m much more experienced in life and confident in my identity as a woman in my community, and how that may be viewed by others.  Part of what helped me get here was  being taught long time ago by a mentor of mine on how to view some of those approaches from men, and how to respond to them as well.  Linda told me that for many of those men that they may never have encountered a woman like me, and some of their comments were the only methods they knew to attempt to complement me.  And, this shift in perspective totally changed the way I approached and reacted to some of those encounters.  It took me time and experience to master it, but I now approach and manage those interactions with a spirit of universal love, and you’d be amazed at the kind o reactions that I get.  In turn I receive words and acts of kindness, respect, generosity, and genuine well-wishes for my day, my well-being, and my current work with girls.  I now see part of my responsibility as a woman, of my stature, is demonstrate love and respect to others no matter what neighborhood, city, or country that I’m traveling through.  And, as a strong believer in the “golden rule”, and the “law of attraction, expression of love and respect dominates the majority of my dealings with others.

Despite my shift in perspective, I want to be clear that I’m not condoning disrespect or disregard for others in any form.  But, I wanted to present a different viewpoint.  Although videos like this one from Hollaback! are effective in getting attention, I want to make sure that as a responsible mentoring community that we always follow-up on “hashtag activisim” with conversations centered on devising practical ways to help address the needs of help girls combat cat-calling and ensure their safety.  Below are some tips that I recommend.

What you can do to help your girls!

  • Create opportunities for girls to have open dialogue on the topic.  So, often we don’t have enough forums for adolescent girls to have open discussions on a variety of topics, but especially one’s of this nature.  So, if you have a mentoring or youth program, or a teacher, consider making this a news topic to review.  Show the students the video and get their reaction.  And, even if you are not directly involved in working with youth as a profession, talk about it with your daughters and the girls in your family or daily network. As we develop girls to become advocates we must help them develop their voice by providing opportunities to see expressing their opinion is okay
  • Create strategies for safe passage to and from school, etc.  Talk with your daughters/girls about how they get to and from school, jobs, or other activities.  Ask them what buses are they taking. What routes do they take to get home? What streets or alleys are they walking down?  Work with them to identify if  there is a way for them to organize walking home in groups with responsible friends to increase safety and collective vigilance.
  • Ask them how their day was.  Your girl/daughter may have had an encounter or experience that she needs to discuss or receive some guidance on.  But, if we don’t work to create consistent lines of communication with our girls that they know they can trust, they may not share and keep it to themselves.
  • Create opportunities for authentic dialogue for girls with positive male role models:  Far too many of the girls that we serve don’t have consistent relationships with positive role models.  So, we work to include male volunteers/mentors within our network as well as women, because having opportunities to connect with positive men who can provide insight and advice on dealing with the men that they encounter is priceless.  We hold open forums between our girls and our male volunteers regularly to provide opportunities for girls to hear from men and pose questions and ask for advice.
  • Let them shadow you for a day at work or running mundane errands: So many of us learn most effectively when we are given visual examples.  Letting your girl/daughter/mentee shadow you gives you the opportunity, if youre a woman, to show girls how you carry yourself in professional settings and in about your community as well.  She ‘ll see how you talk to people, present yourself, react to others worlds and actions.  And, in the car you can share with her you problem solved those situations, analyzed them, and identified any definite threats of danger.  Men, it’s important that girls get a chance to spend a day with you as well, because they get to see how you treat other women you encounter.  And, they learn from watching you what positive and real caring male interaction looks and feels like.

So, what are some tips or strategies that you use with girls in ensuring safe passage, and dealing with unwanted attention? 

KFair Mentoring Tip #1: Diversity in Leadership

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This is the first KFair Mentoring Tip in a series of monthly insights to provide guidance and encouragement for mentors and entrepreneurs. To keep with October’s theme of women entrepreneurs, this month’s mentoring tip is about diverse leadership.

To keep it short, WE NEED IT!

According to Tracy Williams from Unsectored:

“It is important for the leadership of organizations to appropriately reflect the demographics of the population it seeks to serve…and understands the culture, unique pressures and obstacles…”

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Kelly Fair with new friends, connections, colleagues, and leaders at Opportunity Collaboration in Ixtapa, Mexico.

As you may know, I spent the last week at an Opportunity Collaboration workshop in Ixtapa, Mexico. The goal of this workshop? To introduce global leaders in social change to one another! The diverse group of people present at this workshop not only led to valuable connections, but also new perspectives, talents, and thought processes we can all learn from.

Again, Williams talks about a similar goal with her call for diversity in thought leadership:

“When combating complex interconnected social problems…leaders are needed from various backgrounds to attack the problem innovatively.”

Her three steps for increasing diversity in leadership roles:

  1. Invest in Talent
  2. Build a Leadership Pipeline
  3. Build Networks across the Sectors–not only across public, private, and non-profit sectors, but sectors of individual identity as well!

Young, African-American girls need to see older, professional women who look like them succeeding in leadership roles! That has been the continuous message this month. By seeing black women as leaders, they will start to see themselves as developing leaders and act as such. You can help support our youth by taking on leadership roles yourselves, or by electing others for leadership positions.

Let’s change the system!

It’s A Dorm Room, Not The Taj Mahal!

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dorm room

My column, Stomping the Yard, on jetmag.com aims to help undergrads excel in their studies and social lives. We show you how to get it done, from the day you move into the dorms to the minute you step off campus for that first job.  This week’s column helps all incoming freshmen by giving them a reality check on what to expect when moving on campus …  CLICK HERE TO READ IT!

Please share with any new college students in your network!