february Archives - Kelly Fair | Speaker + Consultant

Positive Men: Tony Porter

on February 26, 2015February 26, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

As we close up February’s Men’s Month, we would like to share with you a TedTalk by Tony Porter. In “A Call to Men”, Mr. Porter shares the constricting nature of masculinity.

[ted id=1031 lang=en]

Growing up as a boy, we were taught that men had to be tough, had to be strong, had to be courageous, dominating — no pain, no emotions, with the exception of anger — and definitely no fear; that men are in charge, which means women are not; that men lead, and you should just follow and do what we say; that men are superior; women are inferior; that men are strong; women are weak; that women are of less value, property of men, and objects, particularly sexual objects. I’ve later come to know that to be the collective socialization of men, better known as the “man box.”

He believes that the socialization of men has strongly influenced the gender dynamics and issues we see today. Manhood has become problematic not only for women, but for men as well. He very carefully explains that although not all men are violent, not all men abuse women or see them as inferior, but “men, good men, the large majority of men, we operate on the foundation of this whole collective socialization. We kind of see ourselves separate, but we’re very much a part of it.”

Mr. Porter believes that to end the epidemic of violence against women, we have to change the nature of masculinity. How would this change our youth, our boys?

I remember asking a nine-year-old boy, I asked a nine-year-old boy, “What would life be like for you, if you didn’t have to adhere to this man box?” He said to me, “I would be free.”

Positive Men: Don Krause

on February 19, 2015February 19, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

Mr. Don Krause is up next for our Men’s Month highlight! He has been a strong supporter of both Polished Pebbles and Kelly Fair. He was more than happy to answer 3 important questions for us!

What lead you to start supporting Polished Pebbles?

Mr. Krause first met Kelly Fair at Bright Star Church. He was immediately impressed with her presence and dedication. Mr. Krause was equally impressed with Polished Pebbles and the professional young ladies that left the program. As “everybody needs life skills”, it made sense to him to support such an organization! The girls are learning how to “present [themselves] properly…communicate properly” and how to be competitive in their future endeavors.

Thank you Mr. Krause for the kind words!

What is one crisis you see young, African-American girls facing? How can we intervene?

He sees young girls “growing up in an area where they are exposed to violence…negative influences”. He thinks that because of this, it can be hard for these girls to “believe that their dreams can come true”. He sees the girls going through the Polished Pebbles Program as capable and bright! Mr. Krause believes that we can intervene by becoming more involved in the lives of youth. Although there are huge divisions in our society, we can come together to to donate resources and time to better the opportunities for our youth. He wants communities to realize that money is not always the necessary intervention. It takes proper administration for organizations to provide community supports. “You can be a positive influence to somebody”.

What advice do you have for other male mentors?

“Encouragement”! That is the advice Mr. Krause has for male mentors. We need to encourage our youth, especially young girls to reach their full potential. “You don’t know how little you do can mean so much. It’s the words of encouragement, it’s that smile, it’s giving someone a compliment, it’s giving someone your advice…letting them know they can get through it”. He wants male mentors to know that there are many rewards for the time, effort, and resources you donate to community.

You tell ’em Mr. Krause! Thank you for taking the time to be interviewed! And thank you for being such a positive male role model for young African American ladies, keep spreading your message!

Positive Men: Shayne Evans

on February 12, 2015February 12, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

It’s Men’s Month! At KellyFairtheMentor.com we are highlighting positive male role models in the Chicago community…and you should meet them!

Our first feature will be on Mr. Shayne Evans. Mr. Evans is the CEO and Director of University of Chicago Charter Schools. “Through effective leadership, Evans works to strengthen the collaborations that exist among the four campuses and create new partnerships to leverage the expertise of teachers, leaders, counselors, social workers, tutors, and after-school providers.” This is apparent through his collaboration with Polished Pebbles. The Donoghue, NKO, and Woodlawn campuses host the Polished Pebbles mentoring program for their young ladies.

We had the pleasure of hearing from Mr. Evans on three important questions!

What lead you to start supporting Polished Pebbles?

From the beginning, Mr. Shayne Evans was a “huge believer in Kelly’s vision for young ladies.” Through conversations, he could tell that Kelly see the potential, power, and futures of these girls. Her vision matched his for his young ladies at UC Charter Schools. He was heavily impressed by Kelly’s connections to entrepreneurial and well-rounded people, who became her network of mentors and role models for his young ladies. He says that, “her optimism and positive approach helps her to overcome obstacles”. Due to all of this, Mr. Evans had no other option, but to bring Polished Pebbles to some of his campuses.

Thank you Mr. Evans for seeing Polished Pebble’s potential! Because we see the same in your young ladies at UC Charters!

What is one crisis you see young, African-American girls facing? How can we intervene?

Mr. Evans finds that “often society presents stereotypical views of young African-American ladies”. Because of this, their exists a “belief gap of what black and brown young ladies…are capable of”. This can be detrimental to the way we treat these young ladies in the school system. He sees the UC Charter Schools and Polished Pebbles Mentoring Program as positive interventions. They help to create “counter narratives” of young African-American ladies. Together, they “reestablish a vision” of these young ladies as “leaders, problem-solvers, innovators, engineers, and role models”.

His response reminds us of a previous article on KellyFairtheMentor.com. Click here to listen to Chimamanda Adichie speak about stereotypes and how they affect self-development.

What advice do you have for other male mentors?

His advice for male role models is to develop positive, professional relationships youth, especially young ladies. Mr. Evans believes this can be done by being both warm and demanding. You want to establish and maintain high expectations–“academically, behaviorally, socially”. These supportive relationships can truly help girls as they grow. He wants men to come together and work as a community to create positive opportunities for youth–“it is a joint effort”!

At KellyFairtheMentor.com and Polished Pebbles, we want to thank Mr. Shayne Evans for both taking the time to speak with us and for believing in our girls! Thank you for being such a positive male role model for young African American ladies, keep spreading your message!

Let’s Meet the Men

on February 5, 2015February 5, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

February marks Men’s Month! We want to take this time to recognize and celebrate the role responsible men play in our girl’s lives. Throughout history, there have been many black men that shaped our futures. Strong, black, men role models are essential to helping our girls build positive relationships with men.

Unfortunately, black fathers have been stereotyped as absent. Our family structure has constantly been called into question. Photographer Zun Lee eliminates these stereotypes in his touching photo series “Father Figure”. According to David Rosenberg’s article, “Lee said he is not only trying to shatter the stereotype of black men not being good fathers, but also the idea that black men are people to fear, something Lee said is obviously connected to racial profiling.”

“Basically, the statement I’m making is the reasons people assume black fathers are absent are the same reasons people assume black men are threatening,” Lee said. “People say [when looking at his work] ‘These are not the men I thought would be affectionate,’ and it confuses them to see these men with tattoos and muscles as being nonmenacing.”

Polished Pebble’s Men’s Month has similar goals. We want to encourage our girls, families, and black role models to celebrate the men in our lives! During this month, Kelly Fair the Mentor will be interviewing and sharing those interviews with you every Thursday. Don’t miss it!

A little peak at “Father Figure”….