Community Archives - Kelly Fair | Speaker + Consultant

Are Black Beauty Standards Better About Inclusion?

on October 6, 2016October 6, 2016 By kellyfairthementor

October marks Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Now, you might be thinking: “what does beauty standards have to do with domestic violence?” And I’m here to tell you that they are linked…and it will all be explained in a future post about Domestic Violence. For now, know that the larger issues of sexism and racism play a part; and these are apparent in our beauty standards and our treatment of women.

Our society has normalized white beauty leaving little to no space for women of color. This doesn’t mean women of color have been quiet…not at all! There have been many movements created by women of color to celebrate their unique beauty. And we love all that self-love!

Although we are creating space and change in society with these movements and with these ideas, we are still not perfect. According to Demtria Lucas D’Oyley from The Root:

“There’s nothing wrong with celebrating beauty or black culture distinguishing itself by celebrating our own outlook. But it is important that in our conversations and perspectives about beauty, we make room to be inclusive of many shapes, sizes and curves—even those without them.”

Women of color and white women struggle with notions of body image—especially meeting unrealistic expectations. In her article, Demetria mentions Tiara Harris as having a “figure that is ‘ideal’ for black women—narrow waist, ample bosom, thick thighs, and prominent rear”. These idealizations have caused many women who do not have this figure naturally to seek ways to “enhance” their natural shapes. Charing Ball of Madame Noire shares her insecurity about her own figure:

“I’ve always been insecure about my behind – or lack thereof. Growing up it wasn’t easy being the black girl without a big butt. I remember having a boyfriend frankly tell me one time that my big breasts, thick thighs and hips were nice but I would “look better” if I had a bigger behind. He wasn’t the only one who told me that. Even my closest girlfriends chide[d] me about my “white girl” shape.”

When creating space for inclusion in our society’s beauty world, it is important not to accidentally exclude people even more. We want women of all shapes and hues to know that they are beautiful, special, and unique.

And it is essential that this conversation is had without the backdrop of boys or men. When we discuss women’s beauty in context of the male gaze, we are uniting the two as one unit. However, a woman’s beauty is not based on a man’s approval. While we may know this in the back of our minds, it does not always follow through in our initial thoughts or conversations. A woman’s beauty comes from her mind, heart, and soul. It is not based on our face, our figure, or a man’s approval.

Don’t limit yourselves. Stay confident. Stay beautiful.

How can you encourage positive self-esteem in your girls?

Let them know they are beautiful not “despite” physical appearances, but because of everything that makes them who they are
Show them women of all sizes, hair styles, skin color, and figures to let them know that variety and diversity exist and are beautiful
Be a good role model! Don’t put other women down for not being “ideal”
Connect your girls with supportive mentoring groups that encourage positive self-esteem

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

on December 17, 2015December 17, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

What’s love got to do with it? Absolutely everything!

During the holiday season there is a lot of talk about holiday giving–donating time or money to support our communities. And we don’t want you to forget that Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program is an integral part of your community! And if you love us, then it just increases all the good feels that comes with donating.

What are some of those things you love about us? Take a look!

OUR MISSION

The mission of the Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program is to provide
girls (7-17 years old) with the opportunity of learning the vital life skill of effective communication. Our Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring program instills confidence in girls to face the challenges of daily life by substituting aggressive forms of communicating and problem solving with new strategies that allow them to gain a solid reputation and respect without retaliating.

OUR PILLARS

Communication – Our focus is mentoring girls to become strong, effective communicators in all aspects, including interpersonal communication and communicating respectfully with adults and peers.

Career Exploration – Girls apply newly learned communication skills in a real work environment through on-site job shadowing and workforce development opportunities that link technical, social, and emotional learning skills to college and career opportunities.

Community – A primary goal of our program is to create a space and place for members of the schools’ communities and the city’s corporate residents to impact youth and bring about change in their local communities.

OUR IMPACT

Our girls in the Polished Pebbles program are developing into professional young women. They are setting their goals higher and higher as they learn just how awesome it is to be a woman! We want them to know that success is in reach and that they have a whole community of men and women (mentors) ready to support them on their path. All of this while having fun!

And we need your help to keep this going! Share some of the holiday cheer by donating to Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program! We appreciate gifts of all shapes and sizes! Thank you in advance for your generosity!

Share the Love

Banding Together with Blue 1647

on December 10, 2015December 10, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

Last week we shared with you the surprising truth behind women in technology careers. There is a serious need for women in technology and some serious barriers to break down to accomplish that.

The biggest is the stereotype that men are better than women at all things STEM–Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math. Now, we know this isn’t true! But, we need your help to convince the rest of society! Our girls’ interest in technology should not be diminished by stereotypes. If your daughter loves to be creative, loves solving puzzles, and loves to use her brain…join us this Saturday! We want to fuel her desire for technology careers.

Polished Pebbles is banding together with Blue 1647 to provide your girls with an exciting service and learning opportunity. Let your girls learn the power of code and computers! We want them to know that all doors are open to them, including those in technology!

We hope to see you there!

A Day of Generosity: #GivingTuesday

on November 26, 2015November 26, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

Today is the day we give thanks. We express our gratitude to family, friends, mentors, role models, and even local organizations striving to better their community.

This Thanksgiving, Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program has a message for our supporters:

It is because of your generosity and love that we are able to keep doing what we’re doing…supporting your girls! We love being a positive influence in our community. Our Pebbles are growing up to be accomplished, successful young women and we could not be more proud!

You are the force that keeps Polished Pebbles moving forward. And we want you to know how to keep being a positive influence in your community. We are asking you to be a part of #GivingTuesday.

What is #GivingTuesday?

We have a day for giving thanks. We have two for getting deals. Now, we have #GivingTuesday, a global day dedicated to giving back. On Tuesday, December 1, 2015, charities, families, businesses, community centers, and students around the world will come together for one common purpose: to celebrate generosity and to give.

It’s a simple idea. Just find a way for your family, your community, your company or your organization to come together to give something more.

If you want to join the movement, consider joining Polished Pebble’s Monthly Giving Program. Learn more about Monthly Giving here…

If you aren’t able to contribute a monetarily, consider donating your time, commitment, and love! We are always looking for volunteers for our program! Learn more at our website…

For today, enjoy your turkey!

White By Default Affects Our Girls

on October 29, 2015October 29, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

When talking about body image and how it affects our young girls, it is important to address an important factor. Idealized beauty, in the United States and many other countries, is Eurocentric. Meaning, white facial features, fashion trends, body shape, and skin tone are idealized. According to Beauty Redefined, “Images of white women dominate all media – especially roles or depictions featuring “beautiful” or desirable women, not funny sidekicks, the chunky best friend, the hired help or other stereotypes.”

It would be silly and ill-informed to assume that this does not affect our young, black girls. When they don’t see girls on TV with curly, coily hair or darker skin, they start to believe that their natural selves should be hidden. Kadia Blagrove writes fashion articles and for the longest time never noticed that all her articles centered on women that looked nothing like her. She had been socialized into believing that “white is default”. Kadia writes, “First of all, diversity within the media is largely unbalanced. Diversity really means 90% white people and a few token people of color here and there.”

Sometimes I feel as if I need permission to be black. –Kadia Blagrove

Before we start pointing to black women in media who have become popular role models, such as Beyonce, we must read this from Beauty Redefined:

Though beautiful women of color like Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez, Queen Latifah, Rihanna, Jennifer Hudson, Halle Berry and others have achieved renown in U.S. culture, media representations of these women have become increasingly “anglicized” or “whitewashed” over time, with lighter-colored, straighter hair, lighter makeup, colored contacts and often shrinking figures. –Beauty Redefined

Check out the website for their photos on how these celebrities “looks” have been altered throughout the years by style teams and digital media.

We need to show our girls that beautiful women of color exist! That they are present and powerful. Girls should not be pressured to straighten their hair or lighten their skin to be beautiful. It should be a personal choice made by their own decision, not by society’s beauty standards.

How can you help?

Show your girls beautiful, strong women who look like them
Alter their media choices to include more shows, magazines, or movies that include women of color
Engage in conversations about beauty and race
Empower your girls to love themselves
Be a role model, be a mentor

And, attend our November Second Saturday event on body image with 360 Mind Body Soul Fitness Studio!

What Do Potus and Polished Pebbles Have in Common?

on September 24, 2015September 24, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

At Polished Pebbles we strive to teach our girls to fierce leaders by teaching them the skills of communication and professionalism. We hope to impart in them the belief that they are strong and capable. On September 19, President Obama echoed these thoughts. He brought national attention to the challenges faced by black woman and girls at the Congressional Black Caucus 45th Annual Phoenix Award Dinner.

Black women were central in the fight for women’s rights, from suffrage to the feminist movement and yet despite their leadership, too often they were also marginalized. But they didn’t give up, they didn’t let up. They were too fierce for that. Black women have always understood the words of Pauli Murray — that “Hope is a song in a weary throat.”

We have shared with you the astonishing truths in our society that are confining our black girls. From sex trafficking to school discipline, our girls are in danger in their very communities. Even now, black women make 64 cents to a dollar compared to white men (white woman are 77 cents to the dollar). Kelly Fair believes more research, media, and communities need to focus on young, African-American women. And so does President Obama. Potus and Polished Pebbles are urging our society to not ignore black women any longer, to recognize they are being hurt by institutions and systems in the United States, and to teach our black girls that they are intelligent and successful.

He leaves us with this beautiful, powerful message:

So we all have to be louder than the voices that are telling our girls they’re not good enough, that they’ve got to look a certain way, or they’ve got to act a certain way, or set their goals at a certain level. We’ve got to affirm their sense of self-worth, and make them feel visible and beautiful, and understood and loved.

Watch President Obama’s speech here:

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JvaLQtm6E0&w=560&h=315]

Let Your Light Shine!

on September 10, 2015September 10, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

On September 17, 2015 we will be honoring our awardees and supporting Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program at the Together She Will Shine Reception. If you have yet to RSVP for the event, click here to get your ticket. On this day, we take time to recognize the other side of the crisis; the obstacles that stand in the way of our black girls. We recognize the work that Polished Pebbles and our awardees have done to help clear the path to success for them.

A note from our founder, Kelly Fair:

Six years ago after leaving my corporate job, I sought to fill a void and keep a girls group mentoring program going in my community just like my mentor Rev. Dr. Linda Shepherd taught me right before her sudden death. I didn’t have huge plans for the organization to be much more than a monthly place where girls and women could come together and grow personally and professionally, collectively. Since that time, we have grown from serving two girls to well over 1200 in 40 different program sites. That’s all due to family, friends, volunteers, staff, and community members who have supported our work from the start. So often, people approach this work focused on what they want to impart upon young or the needy. But, my philosophy has always been “we are drawn to this work”, not always because of what we think we have to give, but instead we are in fact the very ones in need of the most love, and growth. My confidence, self worth, skill, ability to love others unconditionally, and wisdom grows daily because of my involvement in Polished Pebbles. Join me to celebrate 6 years of our growth as a community, and the altitudes we’ll go in six more years!

Here’s an idea of how YOUR support will help to create successful futures for our young girls…

#WhatSheNeeds: College Mentors

on August 13, 2015August 13, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

#WhatSheNeeds asked our college women about mentors in college. We found that these women drew inspiration from friends, professors, sorority sisters, and even all the other women on campus. Similar to what Polished Pebbles has said about the importance of mentorship, these girls found that their mentors helped prepare them for college life and post-graduate life. Their mentors prepared them to be successful women!

Two women summed up why mentors are necessary for a successful college experience:

“College was just like a whole new experience for me. So I had questions.” –Terri Floyd

“I know for me personally, I’m more of a hands on person. So sometimes I need help or guidance outside of the classroom. I need tutors, mentors, or just students; the student body working together to thrive outside the classroom.” –Courtny Neal

And these women found people on their campus to not only answer those questions, but to guide them on their life paths.

A few had professors they could turn towards:

“Even now, I still talk to my biology professors. They helped me try and figure out my next step for graduate school and courses. That was a great impact! Specifically, there is Dr. Cynthia Burroughs in the biology department at Philander Smith College. Just by talking to her she opened my eyes to how a psychology degree can still involve science and research; so I explored that route. She taught me to feel confident in myself. Just because I’m an African American woman, I don’t have to back down from any challenge.” –Terri Floyd

“My advisor is supposed to be the one I go to, but I find myself going to my nursing professors because I know them so much more.” –Jasmine Hosley

“I bonded so much with a professor from my health biology class. We talk all the time and she is definitely one of my big mentors that will follow me for the rest of my life. She is in the field I want to be in and gives me advice.” –Sydney Tyler

Mentors don’t have to be professors, or even people who are older than you. Just ask these women:

“There was a girl who was a Community Assistant in my dorm, she was also from Chicago. And we just clicked hanging out in the library. So whenever I had a problem socially, academically, or emotionally she was there to guide me.” –Courtny Neal

“I met this girl in my dorm who was older and she became my mentor. I brought in the Little Rock side, where I’m from, and she gave me some California. She just answered any questions that I had in regards to classes. She let me know which professors I should connect with to help me along the route I wanted to go.” –Terri Floyd

“Within my sorority, I was able to go to my sisters for support. They’re a big motivation and support for me.” –Jasmine Hosley

Brittany Colvin had the help of a program at her college:

“I was a part of Spellman Women Empowered Through Professional Training. You sit through workshops and seminars to help us become more competent, confident, and credible when we are in the work environment after graduation. We had to come to every meeting in full business attire for a corporate setting.”

So, what did we learn from these college women this week? No matter the age, status, or type of mentor, they are essential to helping women in college be successful!

#WhatSheNeeds: The College Transition

on July 30, 2015July 30, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

#WhatSheNeeds will provide insights into the experiences of black women in college. From the freshman transition to the affects of social media, these women have a lot to say! Black women are out enrolling every other group in college, but not experiencing the same high levels of success 4 years later in their careers. Through #WhatSheNeeds, we hope to learn a little more about what she needs to succeed–what did their institutions have and what were they lacking? #WhatSheNeeds explores the transition from high school to college. As Jasmine Hosley explains, you go from being “a high schooler dependent on your mama, to a college student still kind of dependent on your mama”. While high school is meant to prepare students for the academic rigors of college, a lot of freshman still struggle their first semester. Here’s what our young women had to say about their freshman transition.

Some of the women found academics to be one of their biggest challenges:

“While I was ready, I was also not ready. Because I felt like while they were getting us ready for college, there were a lot of ways for us to get around in high school. Like, if you didn’t want to do your homework…you could have written anything down and not actually do your homework.” –Sadariah Harrel

“Well in college…you’re on your own. There’s a lot more freedom. There’s no teacher tracking you down saying, ‘Do your homework!’ There’s a lot more growing up.” –Sydney Tyler

Others had to adjust socially:

“My biggest struggle would have to be getting used to not being home and experiencing new people. You know, I’m not around people from Chicago. People who think like me, dress like me.” –Courtney Neal

What was essential for a smooth transition? Support from the college:

“The student government was helpful by working with the underclassmen with social problems, academic problems…feeling homesick. They were good at working with the students because they had been through it before. If you had a problem they were there to guide you through it, so you could have a successful school year.” –Courtney Neal

“That summer before my fall semester, summer of 2006, I participated in a summer bridge program at Philander Smith. Their program was geared to those interested in the science and math departments. The programs encouraged African American students to major in science or mathematics. They provided us with a college mentor who were juniors or sophomores…I will say that was very helpful” –Terri Floyd

“I wish that it would have been a little bit easier. The whole welcome week and the activities were helpful. Dillard really makes you feel like you are at home…but at the same time it’s kind of rough. Because once [your parents are] gone it’s reality time, they’re gone and it’s time to go to school.” –Jasmine Hosley

One of the women, Jasmine Hosley, spoke of the importance of supporting others during their freshman transition:

“I do get involved when we do shadow day and everything. I like to participate and become the student ambassador and show them around and everything because I know how important it is.”

Don’t forget to give back and pass on your knowledge! We all have the potential to be mentors and supporters of other college women. Whether your actions are big or small, they are important.

#WhatSheNeeds: Parental Support

on July 23, 2015July 23, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

#WhatSheNeeds continues with our first topic…Parental Support! For all of our interviewees, parents have been incredible supports during the college experience. But sometimes, things got a little sticky. Parents always wants what is best for their children, but sometimes this causes tension for college students. As summer is quickly passing, all you parents are getting ready to send your daughters off to college–some for the first time! We want you to know how to best support your daughters in their academic career! Here is some advice from our lovely college women…

Anessa Trask said in her interview, “Your parent’s dream career for you, may not be YOUR dream career for you.”

This is exactly what Sadariah experienced…

Sadariah Harrel is majoring in Business Management, but her dream lies in the arts:

“I’m not in school for what I want to be in school for. Me, I’m more of the creative type; I’m more of the art time. I love to write…Anything that deals with my imagination, I love to do it. And I feel like it’s such a big thing in society being an African American female, being a female period. Its like you have to be in a field where it’s like business or computer science just so you can be competitive because you are a female. And my mother she’s a computer analyst so she’s like, “You have to do that, you have to do this.” And I’m like “No, I love English and I love reading and I want to write”. And she’s like “No. If I’m paying then you’re going for what i want you to go for”…I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do. It wasn’t fun for me. It felt like I was being forced to do something.”

On the other hand, is Sydney Tyler:

“My family supports my major 100%. A lot of my family is health professionals, so it was pretty normal when I told them I was going into the health field. They’re loving it”

This isn’t to say one family is better or more supportive than another, but parenting style does affect the college experience. It can either drive a woman to success or make her feel a little lackluster about her future.

But don’t pity Sadariah. While pursuing her business major, she knows she can express her creativity in other ways. As she told me, “I can always publish books on the side”.

Mostly, these women just want to make their families proud:

“I am first generation in my family. I am the only child of a single parent. It was my first college experience with applying to colleges and getting into college. And I did it. All with the support of my mom, and it was a wonderful experience.” –Sydney Tyler

“I’m the first to go so far away. I’m far away from my family. I’m out there on my own. I’m the first person to go to an HBCU, the first person to pledge a sorority, the first person to become a nursing major. Sometimes I feel a lot of pressure because I am doing so many firsts! And I don’t want to let anyone down, or disappoint anybody. So, I’m kind of harder on myself.” –Jasmine Hosley

“Throughout my entire life I kind of felt the most pressure because I’m the only child. I’ve always been, like the ‘brain’. My cousins would always call me that and say I was a nerd. And so, I always felt like I had to live up to that, you know, title of what was given to me. Because I knew, like, no one else was fitting that at the time” –Brittany Colvin

Terri Floyd summed up the role of the parent perfectly:

“I had my family, my parents are encouragers.”

To all you parents out there with daughters headed off to college, “Be encouragers!” Your daughters want and need your support for a successful college transition and experience. Remember, you both have the same priority; to succeed!