black beauty Archives - Kelly Fair | Speaker + Consultant

Are Black Beauty Standards Better About Inclusion?

on October 6, 2016October 6, 2016 By kellyfairthementor

October marks Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Now, you might be thinking: “what does beauty standards have to do with domestic violence?” And I’m here to tell you that they are linked…and it will all be explained in a future post about Domestic Violence. For now, know that the larger issues of sexism and racism play a part; and these are apparent in our beauty standards and our treatment of women.

Our society has normalized white beauty leaving little to no space for women of color. This doesn’t mean women of color have been quiet…not at all! There have been many movements created by women of color to celebrate their unique beauty. And we love all that self-love!

Although we are creating space and change in society with these movements and with these ideas, we are still not perfect. According to Demtria Lucas D’Oyley from The Root:

“There’s nothing wrong with celebrating beauty or black culture distinguishing itself by celebrating our own outlook. But it is important that in our conversations and perspectives about beauty, we make room to be inclusive of many shapes, sizes and curves—even those without them.”

Women of color and white women struggle with notions of body image—especially meeting unrealistic expectations. In her article, Demetria mentions Tiara Harris as having a “figure that is ‘ideal’ for black women—narrow waist, ample bosom, thick thighs, and prominent rear”. These idealizations have caused many women who do not have this figure naturally to seek ways to “enhance” their natural shapes. Charing Ball of Madame Noire shares her insecurity about her own figure:

“I’ve always been insecure about my behind – or lack thereof. Growing up it wasn’t easy being the black girl without a big butt. I remember having a boyfriend frankly tell me one time that my big breasts, thick thighs and hips were nice but I would “look better” if I had a bigger behind. He wasn’t the only one who told me that. Even my closest girlfriends chide[d] me about my “white girl” shape.”

When creating space for inclusion in our society’s beauty world, it is important not to accidentally exclude people even more. We want women of all shapes and hues to know that they are beautiful, special, and unique.

And it is essential that this conversation is had without the backdrop of boys or men. When we discuss women’s beauty in context of the male gaze, we are uniting the two as one unit. However, a woman’s beauty is not based on a man’s approval. While we may know this in the back of our minds, it does not always follow through in our initial thoughts or conversations. A woman’s beauty comes from her mind, heart, and soul. It is not based on our face, our figure, or a man’s approval.

Don’t limit yourselves. Stay confident. Stay beautiful.

How can you encourage positive self-esteem in your girls?

Let them know they are beautiful not “despite” physical appearances, but because of everything that makes them who they are
Show them women of all sizes, hair styles, skin color, and figures to let them know that variety and diversity exist and are beautiful
Be a good role model! Don’t put other women down for not being “ideal”
Connect your girls with supportive mentoring groups that encourage positive self-esteem

A Healthy Body Image Starts in the Mind!

on November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

By: Lauran A. Smith, Polished Pebbles Correspondent

What do you think of yourself? Is your perception of who you are determined by what you see?

I was very excited to sit with Polished Pebbles Mentoring on November 14th, as they hosted a discussion on “Healthy Body Image”. It brought me back to my own childhood days, and it forced me to recall that we ALL have experienced a time where we questioned our worth…whether publicly or privately. I was teased as a child about the hue of my skin, and I remember the countless days of returning home, informing my Parents about how the kids talked about me and what they said. One thing is for certain; the Guest Speakers for the Healthy Body Image discussion certainly provided insight as to how they managed to deal with their body image issues.

Brandi advised: “…choose you, because there is no other you…”. Brandi dealt with the issue of children teasing her about her height, and instead of her allowing someone to make her feel out of place because of this, she embraced it and decided that she would take the route of building off of what others considered to be “different”. She started a special series called “Tall Tales”, and was even given 30 pairs of shoes from Oprah Winfrey herself!

Rocki taught us: “…you’re not going to be accepted 100%–so what…”. Rocki dealt with personal weight issues, and was (at one point) convinced that she would be at a certain weight for the rest of her life. Once she began to work out, change her eating habits, and started to see her results, she was then sought out to teach her own fitness classes, and even has a wait list for people wanting to attend her sessions!

Ashanti gave us a quote that has helped to sustain her: “my Father always said that if you pray for anything, pray for happiness”. Ashanti dealt with body issues, and wanting certain areas of her body to look differently. After leaving California for “The Windy City”, Ashanti had a continued vision to seek her happiness, and is now the owner of 360 Mind Body Soul, the “Physique Factory” which is a one of a kind fitness studio, returning You To You!

A Healthy Body Image truly begins in your own mind, and not in another’s perception of you. With social media, reality television, and the internet sensations running rampant with plastic surgery and the like, our girls need to be reminded that who they are is “enough”!

“Healthy” Body Image simply means that there is a positive view of “you”, flaws and all!

White By Default Affects Our Girls

on October 29, 2015October 29, 2015 By kellyfairthementor

When talking about body image and how it affects our young girls, it is important to address an important factor. Idealized beauty, in the United States and many other countries, is Eurocentric. Meaning, white facial features, fashion trends, body shape, and skin tone are idealized. According to Beauty Redefined, “Images of white women dominate all media – especially roles or depictions featuring “beautiful” or desirable women, not funny sidekicks, the chunky best friend, the hired help or other stereotypes.”

It would be silly and ill-informed to assume that this does not affect our young, black girls. When they don’t see girls on TV with curly, coily hair or darker skin, they start to believe that their natural selves should be hidden. Kadia Blagrove writes fashion articles and for the longest time never noticed that all her articles centered on women that looked nothing like her. She had been socialized into believing that “white is default”. Kadia writes, “First of all, diversity within the media is largely unbalanced. Diversity really means 90% white people and a few token people of color here and there.”

Sometimes I feel as if I need permission to be black. –Kadia Blagrove

Before we start pointing to black women in media who have become popular role models, such as Beyonce, we must read this from Beauty Redefined:

Though beautiful women of color like Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez, Queen Latifah, Rihanna, Jennifer Hudson, Halle Berry and others have achieved renown in U.S. culture, media representations of these women have become increasingly “anglicized” or “whitewashed” over time, with lighter-colored, straighter hair, lighter makeup, colored contacts and often shrinking figures. –Beauty Redefined

Check out the website for their photos on how these celebrities “looks” have been altered throughout the years by style teams and digital media.

We need to show our girls that beautiful women of color exist! That they are present and powerful. Girls should not be pressured to straighten their hair or lighten their skin to be beautiful. It should be a personal choice made by their own decision, not by society’s beauty standards.

How can you help?

Show your girls beautiful, strong women who look like them
Alter their media choices to include more shows, magazines, or movies that include women of color
Engage in conversations about beauty and race
Empower your girls to love themselves
Be a role model, be a mentor

And, attend our November Second Saturday event on body image with 360 Mind Body Soul Fitness Studio!