Tag: beautiful

Are Black Beauty Standards Better About Inclusion?

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October marks Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Now, you might be thinking: “what does beauty standards have to do with domestic violence?” And I’m here to tell you that they are linked…and it will all be explained in a future post about Domestic Violence. For now, know that the larger issues of sexism and racism play a part; and these are apparent in our beauty standards and our treatment of women.

Our society has normalized white beauty leaving little to no space for women of color. This doesn’t mean women of color have been quiet…not at all! There have been many movements created by women of color to celebrate their unique beauty. And we love all that self-love!

Although we are creating space and change in society with these movements and with these ideas, we are still not perfect. According to Demtria Lucas D’Oyley from The Root:

“There’s nothing wrong with celebrating beauty or black culture distinguishing itself by celebrating our own outlook. But it is important that in our conversations and perspectives about beauty, we make room to be inclusive of many shapes, sizes and curves—even those without them.”

Artwork by Peniel Echille
Artwork by Peniel Echille

Women of color and white women struggle with notions of body image—especially meeting unrealistic expectations. In her article, Demetria mentions Tiara Harris as having a “figure that is ‘ideal’ for black women—narrow waist, ample bosom, thick thighs, and prominent rear”. These idealizations have caused many women who do not have this figure naturally to seek ways to “enhance” their natural shapes. Charing Ball of Madame Noire shares her insecurity about her own figure:

“I’ve always been insecure about my behind – or lack thereof.  Growing up it wasn’t easy being the black girl without a big butt. I remember having a boyfriend frankly tell me one time that my big breasts, thick thighs and hips were nice but I would “look better” if I had a bigger behind. He wasn’t the only one who told me that. Even my closest girlfriends chide[d] me about my “white girl” shape.”

When creating space for inclusion in our society’s beauty world, it is important not to accidentally exclude people even more. We want women of all shapes and hues to know that they are beautiful, special, and unique. 

And it is essential that this conversation is had without the backdrop of boys or men. When we discuss women’s beauty in context of the male gaze, we are uniting the two as one unit. However, a woman’s beauty is not based on a man’s approval. While we may know this in the back of our minds, it does not always follow through in our initial thoughts or conversations. A woman’s beauty comes from her mind, heart, and soul. It is not based on our face, our figure, or a man’s approval.

Don’t limit yourselves. Stay confident. Stay beautiful. 

How can you encourage positive self-esteem in your girls?

  • Let them know they are beautiful not “despite” physical appearances, but because of everything that makes them who they are
  • Show them women of all sizes, hair styles, skin color, and figures to let them know that variety and diversity exist and are beautiful
  • Be a good role model! Don’t put other women down for not being “ideal”
  • Connect your girls with supportive mentoring groups that encourage positive self-esteem

A Healthy Body Image Starts in the Mind!

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By: Lauran A. Smith, Polished Pebbles Correspondent 

What do you think of yourself? Is your perception of who you are determined by what you see?

I was very excited to sit with Polished Pebbles Mentoring on November 14th, as they hosted a discussion on “Healthy Body Image”. It brought me back to my own childhood days, and it forced me to recall that we ALL have experienced a time where we questioned our worth…whether publicly or privately. I was teased as a child about the hue of my skin, and I remember the countless days of returning home, informing my Parents about how the kids talked about me and what they said. One thing is for certain; the Guest Speakers for the Healthy Body Image discussion certainly provided insight as to how they managed to deal with their body image issues.

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Brandi advised: “…choose you, because there is no other you…”. Brandi dealt with the issue of children teasing her about her height, and instead of her allowing someone to make her feel out of place because of this, she embraced it and decided that she would take the route of building off of what others considered to be “different”. She started a special series called “Tall Tales”, and was even given 30 pairs of shoes from Oprah Winfrey herself!

Rocki taught us: “…you’re not going to be accepted 100%–so what…”. Rocki dealt with personal weight issues, and was (at one point) convinced that she would be at a certain weight for the rest of her life. Once she began to work out, change her eating habits, and started to see her results, she was then sought out to teach her own fitness classes, and even has a wait list for people wanting to attend her sessions!

Ashanti gave us a quote that has helped to sustain her: “my Father always said that if you pray for anything, pray for happiness”. Ashanti dealt with body issues, and wanting certain areas of her body to look differently. After leaving California for “The Windy City”, Ashanti had a continued vision to seek her happiness, and is now the owner of 360 Mind Body Soul, the “Physique Factory” which is a one of a kind fitness studio, returning You To You!

A Healthy Body Image truly begins in your own mind, and not in another’s perception of you. With social media, reality television, and the internet sensations running rampant with plastic surgery and the like, our girls need to be reminded that who they are is “enough”!

“Healthy” Body Image simply means that there is a positive view of “you”, flaws and all!

Healthy Body Image

Free Fun! Join Us For Second Saturdays!

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Polished Pebbles hosts a free Second Saturday event for girls every month. Our programming focuses on building positive relationships, increasing self-esteem, and most of all…having fun! Last month we celebrated October with some “Old School Games”. Check out our vimeo below!

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All this month we have been discussing healthy body image for our girls. This Saturday, November 14 we are hosting our Second Saturday event: “Too Tall, Too Skinny, Too…”. We will have guest speakers sharing their own journeys towards self-acceptance, self-love, and an overall healthy body image! Come listen to the owner of 360 Mind Body Soul Fitness studio, Ashanti Johnson! 

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White By Default Affects Our Girls

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When talking about body image and how it affects our young girls, it is important to address an important factor. Idealized beauty, in the United States and many other countries, is Eurocentric. Meaning, white facial features, fashion trends, body VF-2012-Cover-210x300shape, and skin tone are idealized. According to Beauty Redefined, “Images of white women dominate all media – especially roles or depictions featuring “beautiful” or desirable women, not funny sidekicks, the chunky best friend, the hired help or other stereotypes.”

It would be silly and ill-informed to assume that this does not affect our young, black girls. When they don’t see girls on TV with curly, coily hair or darker skin, they start to believe that their natural selves should be hidden. Kadia Blagrove writes fashion articles and for the longest time never noticed that all her articles centered on women that looked nothing like her. She had been socialized into believing that “white is default”. Kadia writes, “First of all, diversity within the media is largely unbalanced. Diversity really means 90% white people and a few token people of color here and there.”

Sometimes I feel as if I need permission to be black. –Kadia Blagrove

Before we start pointing to black women in media who have become popular role models, such as Beyonce, we must read this from Beauty Redefined:

Though beautiful women of color like Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez, Queen Latifah, Rihanna, Jennifer Hudson, Halle Berry and others have achieved renown in U.S. culture, media representations of these women have become increasingly “anglicized” or “whitewashed” over time, with lighter-colored, straighter hair, lighter makeup, colored contacts and often shrinking figures. –Beauty Redefined

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Check out the website for their photos on how these celebrities “looks” have been altered throughout the years by style teams and digital media.

We need to show our girls that beautiful women of color exist! That they are present and powerful. Girls should not be pressured to straighten their hair or lighten their skin to be beautiful. It should be a personal choice made by their own decision, not by society’s beauty standards.

How can you help?

  • Show your girls beautiful, strong women who look like them
  • Alter their media choices to include more shows, magazines, or movies that include women of color
  • Engage in conversations about beauty and race
  • Empower your girls to love themselves
  • Be a role model, be a mentor

And, attend our November Second Saturday event on body image with 360 Mind Body Soul Fitness Studio!

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When Did You Stop Seeing Your Beauty?

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According to CNN, it may be as young as 5 years. Starting at this young age, girls are becoming hyper aware of their bodies, more specifically, their “thinness”. By age 7, one in four girls have either restricted their eating or engaged in some form dieting to get closer to their ideal body weight. This is no longer a teenage problem.

Girls are being pressured to conform to perceived societal beauty standards. Although we know bodies on magazine covers are photoshopped, they still press in our minds as the ideal. This isn’t just about beauty anymore…it is about health. The pressure and anxiety girls are feeling to be “beautiful” are pushing them towards unhealthy practices. Negative body image and self-esteem can lead to eating-disorders, depression, relationships problems, and even long term health problems or struggles with addiction. It is time to stop the fat talk.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSVTRHU28ng&w=560&h=315]

We want to turn that message around! We want our girls to know that they are…

B E A U T I F U L.

A lot of the negative body image comes from internal views of oneself, and when you can really shift that conversation from how does someone look to how does someone feel, then kids can really start to think about what their choices are and how they have control over how they feel, and that brings positive self-esteem and self-awareness.

What can you do to to support your daughter?

  • victorias-secret1Have a conversation. To really be able to understand what is going on with your daughter, you have to know what she is thinking. Engage her in conversation about body image and health. The more comfortable she is sharing with you, the more likely you will know if her thoughts or behaviors become unhealthy.
  • Be a role model. As the article states, our girls learn from us. Show them what a strong, confident, beautiful woman looks like…everyone! Let them know that there is more to beauty than society’s standards. Give them confidence by showing them yours.
  • Prioritize health. We were always taught of the connection between body weight and size and health. But, an ideal, healthy body for one woman looks completely different for another. Body size and health do not go hand in hand. Let your daughter know that she can be healthy at any size! By focusing her attention on being healthy, it becomes easier to shed negative thoughts. Instead of having her goal be to fit into a size 2, have it be to run 2 miles. Small differences can lead to big changes in your daughters mentality.
  • Surround her with support. Let your daughter know that she is not the only one struggling with these thoughts about her body and her size. Nearly all women (dare I say all women) perceive flaws in their appearance, causing stress and anxiety. Make sure she is surrounded by positive voices and love. See if she wants to be involved in a volunteer program, sports team, mentoring program, or another type of group activity that encourages her to form strong friendships.

If you’re interested in reading the research article, click here…

You Should Know: L’Oreal Thompson Payton

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unnamedWe want you to know L’Oreal Thompson Payton!

A Charm City girl in the Windy City, L’Oreal Thompson Payton is a professional storyteller with a penchant for people and a passion for purple. When she’s not busy writing, L’Oreal enjoys reading, dancing and devouring delicious cupcakes. Follow L’Oreal on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram and visit her blog at LTintheCity.com.

How did you first get involved with Polished Pebbles?

I started volunteering with Polished Pebbles in January 2014. I had recently moved to Chicago and I desperately wanted to “give back” to the community. Helping young girls, especially young Black girls, has always been a passion of mine and I wanted to get involved with an organization that did just that. I came across Polished Pebbles in a Google search and, coincidentally, was later introduced to the founder, Kelly Fair, in my previous position as the Digital Content Editor for JET magazine. I recall attending the Second Saturday program that January (it was a Zumba class) and immediately falling in love with the program and the girls.

What is your role as a mentor for youth, primarily young, black girls, in your community?

As a mentor, my primary goal is to serve as a positive role model for young Black girls in the community. I’m always available to help and offer advice and really just be their biggest cheerleader. We all need someone in our corner cheering us on and shouting, “You can do it!” I believe in our girls and I want to be an example to them that anything is possible. I want them to see what I’ve accomplished and know that they can do it, too.

Who are the stand-out mentors in your life?

Wow, I have so many! First and foremost, my mom has constantly demonstrated what it means to be an upstanding daughter, wife, mother, business woman and woman of God. She is my rock.

Throughout my career, I’ve been fortunate to have several female editors who’ve taken me under their wings. Because of those editors, I’ve learned valuable life and career skills that I firmly believe have contributed to my overall success. I simply wouldn’t be here without the wonderful women (and loving men) in my life.

What ignited your passion for giving back to the community?

In middle school, I was constantly bullied for being smart (I skipped a grade), talking “White,” and for being ugly. There were nights when I prayed to God to make me White so I would be more beautiful. I literally hated the color of my skin and felt so unworthy. As an adult, I’ve realized I’m probably not the only girl who’s ever felt this way and it’s my personal mission to help young girls so hopefully they never have to feel that way.

How do you define philanthropy? How do you engage with it?

The Greek definition of philanthropy is “love of humanity.” For the most part, I think people typically equate philanthropy with rich people who donate a lot of money to a good cause. So I don’t consider myself a philanthropist in that sense of the word, but rather the original Greek version: I have a love of helping young girls.

There are plenty of ways to make a difference–whether it’s donating your time, money and/or talent; however, I do believe it’s important to “put your money where your mouth is,” which is why I contribute to Polished Pebbles on a regular basis. It’s an organization I truly believe in so I want to invest in our girls and help them succeed.

What is one barrier affecting young, black girls you have identified? Any solutions?

Nowadays, there are so many programs, such as My Brother’s Keeper, dedicated to helping young Black men, which is both awesome and necessary. But what about the girls? They live in the same neighborhoods as these young men, but it seems as though their needs and issues are often overlooked. I think programs like Polished Pebbles are part of the solution, but we can’t do it alone.

We need big companies to make an investment and show are girls they are valuable and worthy. For example, Google donated $190,000 to Black Girls Code last year…that’s a huge step in the right direction and other companies should follow in their footsteps. But the real work starts at home with positive role models in the community leading the way.

Do you have any final thoughts for us?

My hope is that every young Black girl will grow up knowing she is beautiful and worthy. I want each of them to feel empowered to accomplish their dreams and goals.