Author: kellyfairthementor

Last year, we wrote this article on whether black women are thriving or simply surviving in college and beyond. We found that although black women are leading in college enrollment among all groups, they are still making less money than not only men, but also white women. Let’s review before we see what has changed from 2015 to 2016.

What is the college experience for black women? According to HuffPost: College, black students have, are, and will continue to experience discrimination and microaggressions on campus.

A student at Duke University hung a noose from a tree in Durham, North Carolina, campus on April 1. This came about a week after the university began investigating reports that a group of white men had harassed a black female. The men were reportedly singing the same racist chant…

According to one student, “Institutionalized racism has created spaces for Duke–and for colleges nationally…”.

Despite the negative and harmful experiences, black women are leading all groups in college enrollment! That is something to celebrate! But, how can we expect to keep African American women in college if their experiences on campus are not supportive or downright violent?

According to the data, 9.7 percent of Black women are enrolled in college. Asian women are second, with 8.7 percent working toward degrees, followed by Asian men at 8.4 percent, White women at 7.1 percent, Black men at 7.0 percent, Hispanic women at 6.6 percent, White men at 6.1 percent, and Hispanic men at 5.9 percent.

Despite the high enrollment rates, our women are not seeing success in the work force. ThinkProgress writes about a study conducted by Black Women’s Roundtable, the women’s initiative of the National Coalition on Black Civic Participation. In their research, they found that although African American women are excelling in education and careers, they are not being equally compensated! While many people know the 77 cents to a dollar, few know that this is for white women when compared to white men. Black women make 64 cents to a dollar when compared to white men!

In the last year, not much has changed. While we can celebrate the small improvements, we are still working an uphill battle to equal pay across gender and race. A April 2016 article on The Nation boldly states that women lose about $10,000 annually because of the gender pay gap. And they make sure to draw attention to the racial differences within the 79 cents to the dollar between men and women.

But some women are less equal than others: The 20-cent gap between genders is comparable to the 20-cent gap between black women’s and white women’s wages. And while Latinos and blacks generally earn less than whites or Asians earn, the gender wage gap is smaller within their respective populations. So among poorer racial groups, the gender gap, ironically, narrows at the bottom of the economic hierarchy.

So, have we made progress? Is our society prepared to help black women thrive post-college? What more can we do to lessen the pay gap?

Which is why we need to ensure that our young women of color are prepared for their futures! We want them to know the obstacles before them and keep fighting forward. Now we know its going to take more than just one girls mentoring program to make the necessary large systemic and cultural changes…but it is a start.

So, what is maternity leave and how does it differ from parental leave? Truly, there isn’t too much of a difference. Maternity leave allows working women to get time off of work after giving birth without losing their jobs. Parental leave is a phrase that acknowledges that there might be fathers who also want some quality time with newborn and new mama.

Now, where the United States is lacking compared to other countries is in paternity leave, length of maternity and paternity leave, as well as having this leave paid! The United States currently offers zero (yes, zero) weeks of paid maternity leave. So, while mama might get 2 weeks of of work to care for her new bundle of joy, there won’t be an income.

Check out this chart from NPR comparing maternity leave in various countries:

It is quite easy to see that the United States is way behind compared to other countries. Countries that we normally compare ourselves to economically. The article goes on to discuss possible reasons for the lack of paid maternity leave in the United States, including our business ideology.

Businesses are not opposed to paid leave itself; 65 percent of U.S. civilian workers have paid sick leave, and 74 percent have paid vacation, according to the Labor Department. (The numbers are, however, slimmer for paid family leave — only 12 percent of private sector workers have access to that.)

But those in the business community say they’re opposed to the government telling businesses how to institute those policies. Paid leave is expensive, they argue, and businesses should all be able to figure it out on their own.

Most of the time when we hear maternity, paternity, or parental leave, it is talked about as a women’s issue–allow women to stay in the workplace! But, it is truly so much more than a women’s issue…even President Obama agrees.

The percentage of women in the labor force in the United States is declining, even as it continues to rise in other high-income countries. A main reason is that policies that make it possible for parents to work have not kept pace with changing family structures in the United States, while other countries provide working families with more support.

With the United States wanting to be a top competitor in the international community, it is important that we keep our economy strong. This means keeping women in our workforce! More support for our families simply means an easier balance between work life and family life–leading to happier workers and improved economic benefit!

We want our pebbles to know that they are supported not only by their communities, but by their country, as well. The United States needs to show working mothers that they are an important contributing factor in our economy. We are preparing our girls to be successful in the workforce, and we want them to be able to stay there if they choose to start a family!

It has already been established that in our society, women are affected by gender bias. We live in a patriarchal society that has historically placed men (specifically white men) in positions of power. Slowly, we are rewriting our norms and fighting for a space for women, especially women of color. While we hear about all of the advances women are making in society, how much are we truly affected by gender bias in our careers?

First, let’s look at the most female dominated positions in the United States. According to a 2015 article on Catalyst:

The majority of these positions are care and assistant positions. Women are not dominating science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) positions, nor leadership positions. Women and girls are battling biases that are placed on them by others and themselves when choosing career paths. Growing up in a society that correlates math and science with boys makes it hard for girls to feel as if they belong in that setting. This continues into adulthood. The same goes for leadership positions. When women are dominant they are more likely to be stereotyped as bossy when compared to men. As a society we have placed the value of leadership as a male dominant trait. Further, women are less likely to be seen as competent and capable of handling leadership roles. As women enter male dominant fields they are fighting stereotype and biases every step of the way. While much of this may be felt in social interaction, it also has tangible affects on our salaries. As women enter male dominant fields, the salary drops (New York Times).

However, these negative stereotypes are not stopping women from striving for leadership. According to a Washington Post article, a recent research study found that black women are more likely than white women to strive for executive positions. Yet, black women are more likely to feel stalled and unrecognized in their careers.

And yet when it comes to how African American women are judged on their performance, research shows they face a bigger challenge than their white peers. “If a black woman makes a mistake and a white woman makes a mistake — or even a black man makes a mistake — the black woman is penalized most harshly,” Livingston said, “because she’s two degrees removed from the prototype of a ‘leader,’ which is a white male.”

Gender bias has far reaching effects on our careers. It affects our choice of career field, our advancement in our careers, our work relationships, and our salary. For women of color, we have to add on racial bias; separating us further from mainstream US society.

How do we even begin to make changes in our society? We start with our girls. We give our girls role models and support as they begin navigating this society and the career field. This is why Career Exploration is a pillar of the Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program. We provide direct experience in STEM and leadership for our girls so that when they enter the workforce they know they are capable.

That is what we want from our girls–for them to believe they are strong and capable of achieving their goals.

Two years ago we learned that black women are leading all other groups in college enrollment. According to the article on Clutch:

According to the data, 9.7 percent of Black women are enrolled in college. Asian women are second, with 8.7 percent working toward degrees, followed by Asian men at 8.4 percent, White women at 7.1 percent, Black men at 7.0 percent, Hispanic women at 6.6 percent, White men at 6.1 percent, and Hispanic men at 5.9 percent.

While black women are leading in college enrollments, we want to know if this is carrying through to college degrees! Women of color will go on to different types of colleges: HBCU’s, PWI’s, liberal arts, suburban, city, commuter, or skill oriented, to name a few. The culture, academics, social life, and location of the school will all affect the experience and learning opportunities provided. So, even if enrollments are high, there is a lot that can happen during the 2 to 4 years it takes to earn a degree. We aren’t saying that there is a right or wrong path for women of color to take in their college pursuits, but it is not a decision that should be made lightly.

And unfortunately, the statistics change when we talk about college graduation. So, something is happening between enrolling in college and attaining a degree.

According to a 2015 article on US News:

Among many other things, the report found different patterns of graduation improvement for different groups of students. Improvements were greatest for Latino students – whose graduation rates increased by 7.4 percentage points from 2003 to 2013 – and for Native American students, who saw an increase of 6.4 percentage points. Gains among African-American students were lower, increasing by 4.4 percentage points across the decade.

According to the Hechinger Report, these are the states with the highest gaps in college degrees between black and white students:

States with widest gaps in college degrees (black/white)

State	Black	White
West Virginia	24%	48%	24 points
Wisconsin	22%	45%	23 points
North Carolina	28%	50%	22 points
Connecticut	29%	50%	21 points
Massachusetts	32%	53%	21 points
Minnesota	27%	47%	20 points
Colorado	34%	53%	19 points
Ohio	24%	42%	18 points
Nevada	24%	42%	18 points
California	33%	51%	18 points

There are gaps among students which need to be addressed. The article on US News and the one from the Hechinger Report provide different suggestions. One states that underrepresented students (students of color) require better supports on their college campuses to succeed. And we don’t disagree with that! While many colleges will stress their diversity numbers, they might not have campus resources. The Hechinger Report states that rising tuition costs at debt among students is affecting college graduation rates and widening the gap. Both definitely play a part in graduating with a college degree.

What are your thoughts?

It’s time we talk about the flip side of non-profit management. While it feels amazing to be on a mission and saving the world, it comes with a heavy amount of stress. And stress is a big burden to have on the daily. It wears on our body physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually. It can just suck the life out of living. This is a big reason why non-profit burnout exists. We can put the weight of the world on our shoulders and let it drag us down until we physically cannot take it anymore. Avoid burnout–don’t let stress stop you from moving forward with your mission!

As many of you know by now, Kelly Fair has been steamrolling forward with Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program. She’s been on radio shows, engaged in live twitter discussions, spoken at events as a special guest, and has even appeared on CLTV’s Monday Motivation. That doesn’t even begin to describe her “They’re All The Same Girl” Book Tour! You think she’s stressed? We know so, but like the leader she is, Kelly manages her stress.

Here are our 5 tips to lower stress and keep your life rolling like Kelly Fair!

1. Exercise. Being active not only lowers stress, but keeps your body healthy. With less sick time, you can be more productive. You don’t have to become a yogi to manage stress through exercise. Just take a small part of your day to be active. Here’s how Kelly manages to stay active in her busy schedule: “QUOTE”
2. Sleep. You can’t manage a non-profit (or even function in life) if you aren’t getting enough snooze hours. Remember, the average person need 8 hours of sleep a night to stay healthy. So hit snooze and give yourself that extra 10 minutes!
3. Have a Hobby. I don’t mean you have to pull out a stamp collection or buy fancy equipment. Hobbies don’t have to be extravagant. Maybe you enjoy coloring books or taking your dog for a walk. A hobby is simply an active that is solely meant for your enjoyment. Our own Kelly Fair enjoys “HOBBY” Find yours!
4. Socialize. Don’t let stress turn you into an anti-social cave dweller. Get out and enjoy yourself with your friends and family. You can save the world and have fun.
5. Take a Break. Perhaps the hardest advice of all. Find the time to step away for a couple days (or even a week)! Everyone needs to rest and recharge before being battle ready.

You must have heard by now…Polished Pebbles and Kelly Fair have published a book! And we are getting the word out. Kelly Fair has kicked-off her book tour with radio appearances and guest speaking. Be sure to check out her schedule! Now, we can tell you all about the book, but why not here from some of our supporters (you!).

Here’s the scoop on “They’re All the Same Girl” from Polished Pebbles Ambassador Dawn Henson, Pastor William E Hall, and Media Veteran Consuella Williams.

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With They’re All The Same Girl Kelly Fair delivers turn-key tactics and shares insight on successfully garnering support from volunteers, schools, civic and corporate partners.  The book offers personal testimonies from volunteers, program staff and candid community conversations that will prepare aspiring social entrepreneurs, and your organization, to build a generation of girls on the path to personal and professional success!

Interested in purchasing They’re All the Same Girl? Click here…

Since 2009, Kelly Fair has been the fearless founder and leader of Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program. She is bringing us to new heights with the launch of They’re All The Same Girl. She continues to mentor and serve our young ladies. It is to these young pebbles that Kelly writes this message:

Ladies, you’ve trusted me and let me come into your classrooms and your neighborhoods after school was done. You listened to me, and you worked with our team of mentors. And you did all this when you could have been outside hanging with your friends, or eating flaming hots, or watching TV. This is the same stuff I used to like to do when I was your age. But, unlike you, I was too afraid and reluctant to get involved in afterschool activities. I figured I wouldn’t know anybody, and I let my shyness hold me back. But you ladies decided to have faith in me and all of the Polished Pebbles mentors. Thank God you gave us a chance, and made a commitment to grow and learn new things to make your future brighter.

In order to really grow, live our dreams, and have the lifestyles we want, it’s important for us to learn to trust other people. We must break down the perceptions and barriers that we all throw up. Trust me, even grownups put up barriers, and block themselves off from getting to know new people! Keeping people out of our lives is like the stuff we sometimes think in our heads, but don’t always say out loud. For instance, we think things like, “Who does she think she is?” or “This might be boring,” or “If my friends don’t come to this program, then I’m not going,” or “I don’t know what I want to do when I get older, so maybe I won’t fit in with that group.” But, like champions, so many of you didn’t block us out, and you gave Polished Pebbles mentors a chance to share what we knew with you. What you may not know is that we were often learning right along with you.

–They’re All The Same Girl by Kelly Fair, pg. 94-95

Ladies, we want you to take this message to heart. Don’t be afraid to be involved, to be curious, and to be forming friendships. It is these relationships that will carry you through life with happiness and success. To read the rest of Kelly’s message to the young ladies she serves, be sure to check out the Polished Pebbles book, They’re All The Same Girl.

With They’re All The Same Girl Kelly Fair delivers turn-key tactics and shares insight on successfully garnering support from volunteers, schools, civic and corporate partners.  The book offers personal testimonies from volunteers, program staff and candid community conversations that will prepare aspiring social entrepreneurs, and your organization, to build a generation of girls on the path to personal and professional success!

Interested in purchasing They’re All the Same Girl? Click here…

Last month, Polished Pebbles and Kelly Fair launched “They’re All the Same Girl!”. The Polished Pebbles story is now in print and sharing lessons learned while mentoring our girls. We want to give you a sneak peek into our book by sharing excerpts. This week we will share a paragraph from the chapter, “The Beneficiaries of Mentoring”.

Often when people approach me about their desire to volunteer, mentor, or support youth mentoring, they begin with long stories or speeches about how in need our youth are, or say things like, “What these girls need is….” They go on sharing personal experiences and observations about the dire circumstances they’ve seen or perceived young people in our communities to be experiencing. However, these people rarely ever seem to take into account how much engaging in youth mentoring work, or community work, means and that they too will be on a personal journey of professional, and more importantly, personal growth as well. Research shows adults who mentor report a variety of ways mentoring youth improves their own personal satisfaction, career pursuits, and social life.

-Kelly Fair, “They’re All the Same Girl” pg. 81

Mentoring impacts youth, communities, and you! There is no getting around the fact that helping and supporting others does you some good. It isn’t selfish to say that one of the reasons you mentor or are involved in your community is because it makes you feel better.

Here are some ways mentoring and being involved in the community can make you a better person:

• Build positive relationships with others
• Expand your worldview
• Continuous self-improvement by developing skills
• Increase self-esteem and self-confidence
• Keep active and healthy
• Be motivated to to make changes in your life

What are some ways mentoring has positively impacted your life?

With They’re All The Same Girl Kelly Fair delivers turn-key tactics and shares insight on successfully garnering support from volunteers, schools, civic and corporate partners.  The book offers personal testimonies from volunteers, program staff and candid community conversations that will prepare aspiring social entrepreneurs, and your organization, to build a generation of girls on the path to personal and professional success!

Interested in purchasing They’re All the Same Girl? Click here…

Last week in Wilmington, Delaware, a 16 year-old girl died after being attacked in the girl’s bathroom at Howard High School of Technology. According to DelawareOnline, Amy Joyner-Francis went into the bathroom on Thursday morning where she was joined by two other girls. She was then taken out in a stretcher and later died in the hospital from her injuries.

The death of a child is always shocking and tragic. This incident has been especially shaking as it took place in a setting that most parents would consider safe–school. As a mentor, educator, and leader in the community, I feel the need to speak out. Especially, since it seems that this young girl’s death seemed to not get as much media attention as one would think that a school tragedy like this should receive.  Today, I want to speak up not only for the young girls, but also in solidarity with faculty and staff in the schools that we serve via Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program, and school-age educators across the country.

Bullying and violence are scary realities for our youth. Bullying is simply not a “phase” in child development, and victims of bullying should not be told to simply “buck up” or “learn to defend yourself”. The tragedy of Amy Inita Joyner-Francis is a reflection of the challenges our girls are facing today. When creating preventative programs for violence in youth, the focus has often been on young men. As a society we have often solely attributed physical violence to men and have left our young women unguarded. The truth is that our girls are witnessing the same violence in their neighborhoods as young men. Thus, they are learning the same social behaviors and experiencing the same trauma. This can and does affect their relationships, behavior, and decision-making processes. This has been the message of Polished Pebbles since its inception; we need to draw attention to the other side of the crisis. 

Mentoring programs play an important role for our girls. Often times they fill the gaps in what schools are able to provide; whether that be academic, cultural, athletic, and are often categorized as programs to support students’ social emotional learning. I acknowledge that external mentoring programs play a crucial role in fighting this problem in our schools. Because as mentors from the school’s surrounding community or businesses, we are able to be there and often provide perspectives, resources, and support that our partnering schools, parents, and students’ friends are unable to. And, as schools are being presented with increased pressure to produce high academic scores, they are unable to focus on the socioemotional development of our children. After almost seven years of partnering with schools to provide Polished Pebbles to their girls I’ve seen firsthand what these pressures can impact school culture, negatively effect the morale of school leadership, faculty, and staff.  Not to mention the seemingly endless budget crisis affecting public schools in Chicago, and across the country is a piercing reality that can be potentially draining for all of us, including programs like ours.  Often one social worker, or counselor can be assigned to multiple schools and carrying inconceivably large caseloads.  The tragedy in Delaware is a cry out for programs and classes focusing on positive relationship building, communication, conflict resolution, and managing emotions. Mentorship programs can and do provide this programming for girls. However, the solution does not lie with us alone.

This type of violence we are witnessing in our schools goes far beyond the need for more mentoring programs. It calls out the needs for more improved infrastructure and support for our girls in school. With the shrinking of schools’ budgets, come cuts in resources to simply keep the school open and running. As academics have to persevere, schools have no choice but to let go of other resources. The number of social workers, counselors, and other emotional support positions at schools are shrinking. We have seen this at the Chicago schools we work with for Polished Pebbles. And, our programs can no where no provide the appropriate level of expertise, and intensity of services that can only be provided by these highly coveted and respected colleagues of ours.  Our girls need these resources, these services, these relationships, available to them. And, quite frankly, as external partners, we need our counseling and social work colleagues to best serve their students.  Our schools need increased funding and focus on the sociodevelopment of not only our girls, but all our youth. This is not to say schools are at fault or failing our youth. It is a much larger institutional issue, tied up in red tape and confusing language.

As a community, we have to come together to stand by our girls–raise their voices so they receive the resources and support they need to succeed.  This can only be achieved when we publicly acknowledge the greater need for support for our social work, and counseling colleagues in schools across the country.  So, today to support Amy Joyner, and other girls who are suffering across the country, we as mentors stand in solidarity with our school counselors and social workers. You matter.