Author: kellyfairthementor

We want children to succeed in life. Whether you are a parent, sibling, aunt/uncle, teacher, mentor, or friend, you want to see a young child develop into a healthy, successful adult. As a mentoring program, Polished Pebbles tries its best to prepare our girls for bright futures. And we do so by challenging them. We encourage our girls to practice their communication skills, move outside of their comfort zones, and give us their best.

Now, what if you learned that how you praise children can affect their mindset and even values? Well, Educationalist Carol Dweck has found that their is a wrong and right kind of praise.

Wrong Praise:

• Bases success on the outcome (grade, performance, etc.)
• Encourages a fixed mindset of identity
• Unintentionally dissuades children from trying
• Makes a child fear failure

Correct Praise:

• Praises the process and not the outcome
• Encourages a child to always try again
• Leaves room for the potential of growth
• Makes a child want a challenge

For a better understanding, view this short video from RSA Animate:

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yl9TVbAal5s&w=560&h=315]

This past Tuesday, November 8, marked election day for the United States. It is our day to exercise our right to vote and have our voices heard on our country’s future. It is a privilege that should not be taken lightly, as there are many in the world who do not have such a right. For women, especially women of color, this was true in the United States.

Even at the beginning of the women’s suffrage movement in the late 1800’s, black women were advocating for their right to vote. From Sojourner Truth to women’s clubs, they were discussing how to equalize their rights in this country.

When the 19th Amendment was passed in 1920, it legally enfranchised all women, white and black. However, within a decade, state laws and vigilante practices effectively disenfranchised most black women in the South. It would take another major movement for voting rights – the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s – before black women in the South would be effectively enfranchised.

–National Women’s History Museum

The truth is that women of color carry a lot of weight at the polls. We are an important on election day. According to an article from the Center for American Progress:

Amid this ongoing conversation about how best to ensure equal voting access, there is growing evidence that one particular segment of the population—women of color—is poised to play a more decisive role in future elections. An examination of data from the U.S. Census Bureau and other sources reveals that women of color, especially African American women, are becoming a larger proportion of the electorate. Women of color’s growing influence becomes clear when comparing recent voting and registration numbers with those from the 1960s, when the Voting Rights Act and other key legislation increased ballot box access for African Americans and other people of color.

Not only at the polls are we becoming stronger. In this year’s election, women of color made history. Although it may seem small, it does not mean that it is not significant. The number of women in congress quadrupled on Tuesday from 1 to 4 (NY Times)! And, Minnesota elected the first Somali-American legislator (Star Tribune).

So, don’t forget women of color. You are strong and you are important. And you are making a difference every day.

We want to share with you our Annual Report for 2016. Polished Pebbles has been working hard this year to further develop our girls mentoring program. We have grown to new states and even on to college! This has all been due to your love and support of Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program and your desire to see our girls SHINE!

We want to say, “Thank you!”

To download our Annual Report, click here: polished-pebbles-annual-report-2016. To send some more support our way, click here: polishedpebbles.com/make-a-donation

Here are a few snapshots of what we have accomplished with your support. (Please click the image to see in full size).

When was the last time you sat down and thought about your goals? For some of us, that may be daily and for others it may be hard to remember. If you are one of those who plans daily, weekly, monthly, and annual goals, then I applaud you. Not all of us are so organized or feel so motivated. If you are an entrepreneur you have to be sure that all your ducks are in a row. Otherwise, you may feel overwhelmed or start to veer off track.

Goal planning is not meant to be stressful. And it is not meant to make you feel like a failure. The key is to set measurable, realistically attainable goals. How do you do that?

1. Be specific. Instead of setting lofty long-term goals, make smaller step goals that lead to the big finale. For example, if your annual goal is to organize your finances, have a weekly goal: “Track spending and donations” and a monthly goal: “Create monthly budget sheet”.
2. Create deadlines. We have to be honest with ourselves, it is not easy to follow deadlines when they are self set. With no one looking over our shoulder, we tend to push deadlines further and further back. No longer. Give yourself a deadline. And. Stick. With. It.
3. Write it down. When we put these goals to paper, they become more solid. Use your planner, notebook, or calendar and put those goals down in ink!
4. Remember personal goals. Goal setting isn’t only for professional aspirations. Track your personal goals, as well. Life is about balance. So, your personal goals are just as important! Write down that three month goal to run a 5k or maybe to finish a book.
5. Get motivated. Once you start setting and meeting your goals, you are going to feel amazing. Soak it in and feel the motivation! Keep it going as you get closer and closer to where you want to be in life.

This doesn’t mean you have to create a 5 year plan or a 10 year plan. As we said before, this is not meant to add stress to your life, but to relieve it! If monthly or annual goals seem to long-term, stick to daily. Sometimes that is the best we can do and that is okay! Just get through each day and slowly, but surely time passes. With all this work, you are going to create new habits for yourself. Ones that are productive and make you feel good! As they say, 21 days to make a habit and 90 days to create a lifestyle. Keep pushing, keep moving forward, and keep planning your dreams!

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Here are some sobering facts about domestic violence from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence:

• 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.
• 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
• 1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence.

When thinking of all the children and families you may come across in a mentoring program, these numbers become real.

They define domestic violence as the following:

Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence can vary dramatically; however, the one constant component of domestic violence is one partner’s consistent efforts to maintain power and control over the other.

(http://ncadv.org/learn-more/what-is-domestic-violence)

Key words from that definition are power and control. Last week we hinted that beauty standards and domestic violence are linked. This is where that link exists–power and control.

An Australian Human Rights Blog, Right Now, discusses this link between Casual Sexism and Domestic Violence:

Human beings are stubborn, and it takes several generations to purge a society of old ideologies. And as there are many people alive today whose grandparents lived through the old system of controlling women, we have to understand that we are still a long way off from a being a misogyny-free society. Indeed, the traces of the old system are everywhere: children’s toy stores that divide boys and girls into workers and homemakers; pornography and other media which tell males that females are only valuable when they are a source of pleasure; and parents who teach girls to be submissive and boys to be dominant.

If we are still sending the message that women are submissive homemakers who are only valuable when they’re a source of pleasure, and that men are dominant workers who derive pleasure from women, are we really surprised that some men take advantage of this imbalance of power? We know that power brings out the cruel side of human beings, so why do we continue to support a social dynamic in which one group is given power over the other?

The blog points to the fact that these everyday acts and examples of sexism are creating a larger system of control and power over women. Back to last week’s post about beauty standards, we see the same thing. Society has deemed a woman as being only as valuable as the way she looks, and that others have control over that opinion.

The causes of Domestic Violence are so much larger what we think. We need to have an entire cultural shift. One that moves us away from women being submissive to men. So, before you knock someone for getting angry of “small” incidents, remember that these “small” incidents are connecting to a much bigger problem.

My mom always shared with me that our family has always instinctively served our community.  My grandmother was dedicated to singing and playing the piano for her church choir at Resurrection Lutheran.  My great-grandmother was the precinct captain in our old neighborhood, and made sure people in our community were equipped effectively to vote and cause change.  And when the dire need presented itself years ago, as a father and local businessman, my grandpa purchased the first microscope for the black middle school in small south suburban village my mom grew up in.  And, then of course there was my other great-grandmother, Maggie Peebles, who we all lovingly called “Nana.”  Nana was an usher for 63 years at Arnette Chapel in the Morgan Park community here on the south side of Chicago.  What a testament to service and commitment that is!

Years ago, Arnette Chapel decided to start a girls mentoring program, and during a Sunday service they asked girls to stand next to the woman who they wanted to mentor them.  To her surprise, a young woman came and stood next to Nana.  She couldn’t believe it.  Nana hadn’t finished elementary school, and although she had owned her own barbecue restaurant for a short time, she was primarily a domestic worker.  She was amazed that a young girl would want to be mentored by her, because she didn’t feel that she had anything substantial to offer this girl.  But, what she didn’t realize was that this girl and many others looked up to Nana because of her strong commitment to servicing her church and community.  Nana was not only this strong, but loving and sweet, usher ready to take her post every Sunday.  But, she was also one of the primary cooks serving up those chicken dinners after service in the church basement.  And, everybody loved Nana, because Nana always made sure EVERYBODY had enough to eat!

In today’s society, it’s easy to understand that many of us are just “keeping are heads above water.”  Many of us are primarily focused on economic and professional attainment to improve the status for ourselves and our immediate families.  In this new millennium, it’s hard to imagine how anyone can keep a commitment to a volunteer position for 63 years, when it seems staying with the same job, and most marriages don’t make it for 5-10 years.  But, with the challenges were having in our community with violence, poor education, and struggling family and community infrastructures, how can we not find time to tithe our time much in the way that Nana, and many of our parents, grand parents, and elders did?  We are who we are today and experience the success and freedoms we do, because  our elders made a sacrifice to tithe their time, talents, and service to the betterment of their community and the betterment of their future us.  What a self-less investment?  Nana, and her fellow ushers didn’t take “selfies” or group pics after they served on Sundays and post them to Facebook or Instagram to show all their social media followers and fans how they were “holding it down” for their community.  Nope, they just did the work often with no obvious recognition.  Service was a part of their lifestyle.

So, it’s essentially our duty to make sure that we are doing the same in our old communities for the next generation, whether they be children in your family or not.  We are all one family.  So, no excuses you have to find the time volunteer at least once a month.  You have to find time to make a phone call or email a week to that teenager who you know is in need of some guidance.  Or, if you’re a practitioner like me, stick with your work!  And, despite all of the set backs and challenges don’t give up and continue to serve.

A commitment to service is definitely a lifestyle choice I hope more of us choose to adopt because SERVICE is a cornerstone of mentoring!

Kelly

KellyFairTheMentor

Want to get more tips and insight on mentoring urban youth and girls? Share and follow,http://www.kellyfairthementor.wordpress.com.  Want to join us with mentoring at Polished Pebbles?  Email us at info@polishedpebbles.

Last week I attended my very first Congressional Black Caucus Annual Leadership Summit (ALC) in Washington DC.  It’s considered by many to be the leading policy conference on issues impacting African Americans and the global black community. Thought leaders, legislators and concerned citizens engage on economic development, civil and social justice, public health, and education issues.  This year I was proud to be invited to ALC promote my book, “They’re All The Same Girl” in the Author’s Pavilion, but I was also very fortunate to observe real advocacy in action!

By attending this year’s ALC I got a front row seat to see what it looks like when advocacy evolves step by step.  It often starts from an initial public outcry of an injustice, and then gains momentum as a glaring cause that should be supported.  It then can swiftly become a burgeoning social media hashtag movement, and then develop into a potential piece of policy that’s drafted, lobbied, and accepted as a dynamic solution to a prevalent dilemma. This evolutionary piece of policy that I’m fortunate enough to witness the evolution of is known as the Congressional Caucus on Black Women and Girls.

In April of this year, the caucus’ co-chairs U.S. Reps. Bonnie Watson Coleman (D-N.J.), Robin Kelly (D-Ill.) and Yvette D. Clarke (D-N.Y.) publicly presented this caucus which has been described as a group devoted to creating public policy that “eliminates significant barriers and disparities experienced by black women.”  The caucus is the first to ever set to make the needs of black women and girls a priority.

“Black women and girls are disproportionately affected by myriad [of] socioeconomic issues that diminish their quality of life and threaten the well-being of their families and communities,” Rep. Kelly said in a release obtained by The Huffington Post.

“The Congressional Caucus on Black Women and Girls gives black women a seat at the table for the crucial discussion on the policies that impact them while also providing a framework for creating opportunities and eliminating barriers to success for black women,” she added.

The caucus was inspired by a collective of several women involved in the #SheWoke committee which is comprised of leading black women activists who consistently advocate for black women’s rights.  It’s been described that events like the Sandra Bland Case helped to ignite the drive behind this movement.

In 2015 and 2016 organizations like Black Lives Matter (BLM) ignited an urgent national conversation about police killings of unarmed black citizens. Online tools have been credited as critical in this effort to bring attention to these far too frequent incidences of racially charged police brutality.  We’ve seen the hashtags that have come to signify these movements and the underlying outrage as a result of these injustices including: #icantbreathe, #handsupdontshoot,  #iamtravonmartin, etc. Many, including myself, have questioned whether we’ll see more people move their activism and frustration beyond the hashtags that they post on their social media pages to offline action that can galvanize citizen’s support, organizing, forums for real dialogue, and initiatives that can provide real solutions to this problem.

Considering it was also birthed from a hashtag movement (#SheWoke) I’ve been impressed as I’ve watched my own US Representative Robin Kelly, and her respective co-chairs real take a jump start on getting real action behind the caucus for Black Women and Girls.  They have been real #blackgirlmagic in action.  Rep. Kelly held the first symposium for the caucus in Chicago preceding the ALC in August. She brought together local professional women and experts to discuss black women’s health, issues for black girls, and economic empowerment for black women.

At this year’s ALC in Washington, there were symposiums directly tied into the mission of the caucus including a discussion on black women and girls in American media, featuring Essence Magazine Editor-in-Chief, Vanessa DeLuca.  There was a brain trust panel that addressed the issues facing ALL black youth, black boys, AND black girls. And very appropriately during this brain trust panel, Monique Morrison researcher, advocate for black girls, and author of The Push Out was a panelist, along with Kimberly Bryant of Black Girls Code.  During the Congressional Black Caucus ALC weekend, The Black Women’s Health Imperative also hosted a reception that honored Representatives Kelly, Clark, and Colemon on championing the establishment of the caucus.

Since their announcement in April, Sisters Kelly, Clark, and Watson, have almost effortlessly been creating opportunities to create public awareness about the dire need for the caucus, establishing clear objectives, and obtaining necessary feedback from their constituents. They even shared that they plan to host events in markets that are not represented by black congressional leaders, but in places where black women still may live, and are in need of support, and a voice like the US Pacific Northwest.

Like a little sister in awe, I’ve watched Reps. Kelly, Clark, and Watson so dynamically move this initiative forward with skill, real leadership, and in such a divinely loving way. They’re intently listening to the needs of their constituents, intuitively looking at their own lives and others close to them as black women for authentic reference, putting together necessary resources, providing platforms, and brining young women like me along to learn and build my capacity to expand my impact on black girls with Polished Pebbles. In addition to being highly respected elected officials, they’re like three aunties who found out somebody was bullying you at school, and they’re putting all their energies and resources together to right that wrong, with the school principal, your teacher, the bully’s parents, and making sure you know how to fight and defend yourself at the same time. Although many question the validity of hash tag movements as an effective to impact change to today’s most pressing issues in our community, I think the co-chairs of the Congressional Caucus for Black Women and Girls are an excellent example of how to move from an online #hashtag movement to offline heartfelt accountability. Let me one of the many who continue to say to them #thankyou.

Note: Congresswoman Robin Kelly will be one of the honorees at this year’s Polished Pebbles Annual Fundraiser, “They’re All The Same Girl.” Join us, and purchase your ticket here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/polished-pebbles-theyre-all-the-same-girl-fundraiser-reception-tickets-27042223017

Today, September 15, marks the first day of Hispanic Heritage Month. Although it is a month long recognition, it does not begin on the first of the month. And there is significance in that! The date marks the day of independence for a few Latin American countries: Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras and Nicaragua. Not to mention that more countries–Mexico, Chile, and Belize–also recognize their independence during the month period between September 15 and October 15.

While it is wonderful to have the recognition of Hispanic Heritage Month, we should not forget that hispanic and latinx heritage should be celebrated year round. 

Many youth mentoring programs are becoming more diverse as programmers reach out to more communities. With a growing latinx population in the United States, it is for certain that latinx students will be involved in youth mentoring programs. Further, it is important that they are involved as they are less likely than other groups to attain a four year degree.

According to the Pew Research Center:

Even though more Hispanics are getting a postsecondary education than ever before, Hispanics still lag other groups in obtaining a four-year degree. As of 2014, among Hispanics ages 25 to 29, just 15% of Hispanics have a bachelor’s degree or higher. By comparison, among the same age group, about 41% of whites have a bachelor’s degree or higher (as do 22% of blacks and 63% of Asians). This gap is due in part to the fact that Hispanics are less likely than some other groups to enroll in a four-year college, attend an academically selective college and enroll full-time.

This gap in education begins young. According to an article in U.S. News:

Despite the increase in scores from 2005 to 2015, only 21 percent of Latino fourth-graders reached the “proficient” level in reading in 2015. This compares to 46 percent of white students, and 35 percent of fourth-graders overall. Those scores varied by state. For example, the 2015 gap in reading scores between white and Latino students at fourth grade ranged from the equivalent of about one grade level in Louisiana, to more than three grade levels in Pennsylvania and Minnesota.

During this month of celebration, we should also recognize that our latinx youth are entitled to an equal quality and access to education. As mentoring programs, we can help close this gap by standing up for our latinx youth. 

Learn more about Hispanic Heritage Month at these sites:

• http://www.hispanicheritagemonth.org/
• http://www.hispanicheritagemonth.gov/about/

On October 1, Polished Pebbles will be holding a volunteer orientation for all those interested in helping our girls S.H.I.N.E.! We are thankful for all of our past, current, and soon-to-be volunteers. We know that as a non-profit organization, we need volunteers to help us grow and stay strong in the community. That is why we want you to know that volunteering can have positive benefits for you!

According to Harvard, it is good for your health:

• Increase and strengthen social connections
• Develop stronger sense of community
• Increase happiness, lower chances of depression and loneliness
• Possibly lowers blood pressure
• Develop new hobbies and interests

A recent article even pointed to volunteering as a way to strengthen your resume:

• Shows a connection to community
• Develop beginner leadership and delegation skills
• Practice working as a team to achieve common goals
• Gain experience as a representative on a board
• Develop connections to strengthen references

Be sure to check our blog in October to learn more about volunteering. And if you are interested in volunteering with Polished Pebbles, come to our orientation!