All of our readers of KellyFairtheMentor.com, volunteers and staff of Polished Pebbles, and our Polished Pebbles girls…thank you! It is with your help that we are able to impact our communities and work towards positive change. All of our voices can be heard and together we can help support the future of our girls and boys! We are grateful for our supporters, contributors, sponsors, and collaborative business and organizations for helping to provide enriching programs for all of our Polished Pebbles girls.
You all make our world go round!
A few words from volunteers and staff:
“Thankful for life and loved ones.” –Cecelia Donaldson
“I’m thankful for new opportunities!” –LaKisha Williams
“I am thankful for: God’s Grace.” –Joyce Rogers
“I am THANKFUL for: being blessed by the Lord and amazing family, great friends, and the Polished Pebbles vision.” –Adrienne Robinson
“I’m thankful for family, friends, and husband.” –L’Oreal Thompson
All of us have come together as social activists. Although you may think your role small as a volunteer for a single mentoring program, your impact is big! For that we are grateful! In light of events in Ferguson, our work is more important than ever. It is our mentoring and African-American youth programs that contradict the images and stereotypes portrayed by the media and by society. As mentioned in a previous post, it is important that we all speak out!
Let us all come together in gratitude for all those that have collaborated for and worked towards greater social justice in the United States. You have our thanks.
Chimamanda Adichie is a rockin’ novelist from Nigeria. In her TedTalk, Chimamanda shares her personal story of growing up in Nigeria reading only stories about white children with blonde hair and blue eyes. When she began to write, these characters filled her pages; though she could not relate in any way. As the media around her, books, only portrayed white children in stories, she did not know that people who looked like her could be in literature!
From then on, Chimamanda became aware of these “single stories” we develop about people and places. When we only portray people or places in a single way, they become stereotypes. These stereotypes then dominate the identities we create about others and ourselves.
Although Chimamanda speaks to Africa, the same theories can be applied to the United States, most notably, African-Americans. From the historic beginnings of black face to the more recent token person of color, the portrayal of African-Americans by mainstream media has been poor. While we may naively assume that this is contained to only fictional movies and television shows, it is not. The news and social media have been prominent aggravators of the single story surrounding African-Americans. A recent example of this is the viral video of a New York man slapping a woman on the train after being insulted and hit (read more on my JET post here).
Having these stereotypes continually presented to our youth affect their self-development. As Chimamanda says, “The problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete”. Without the full story we cannot properly mentor and support our youth. Without analyzing communities, schools, and society we cannot begin to understand the family or the youth. We must search for the full story.
How do we do this as mentors, parents, teachers, friends, or community members? WE TALK TO OUR YOUTH! They can provide us their stories.
A younger female colleague of mine tagged me in a Facebook post with this video in it. The video is about catcalling in New York City. It was disseminated last week by a group called Hollaback!. Hollaback! is a photoblog and grassroots initiative to raise awareness about and combat street harassment by posting photographs and narrative accounts of individuals’ encounters with offenders. The video shows an actress walking the streets of New York and experiencing sustained catcalls and harassment, including being followed by one man for over five minutes. The video racked up 32 million views, but came under quick scrutiny for featuring mostly men of color. This too was my initial observation and objection to the video as well. My thought was how can you raise awareness about a form of discrimination with a tool that discriminates? Consequently, Hollaback! apologized last week for the suspicious lack of white men shown in the video ( read an article here). Nonetheless, as most social media centered advocacy, the message about combat catcalling definitely started a buzz and lots of dialogue.
I was that girl!
I immediately shared the video with two of the programming coordinators on my staff, and told them that I thought a dialogue about this video was definitely something that I wanted included in our upcoming curriculum with my mentoring program Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program. The video really resonated with me, because in previous years when I worked directly with girls in our after school programs, I held conversations with girls about this very topic. We discussed strategizing safe passage to and from school, and managing the different types of attention that they may get in public from men, desirable or undesirable. I think it’s important conversation to have also tailored with a recognition of appropriate cultural context. I am big on having conversations that address understanding the root, and the reaction, of certain behaviors based on the communities that we serve, that I also happen to be a product of.
The topic of teaching girls to manage this is near and dear to my heart, because it was something I grapled with in my earlier adolescence. I was like many high school students in Chicago, and used public transportation to get to school, but I masterminded different routes to avoid unwanted attention from men, of all ages, on the streets I needed to walk down to get home. Quite frankly, I was just wasn’t mature enough, or experienced as a young woman to really know how to manage the attention and propositions made by some of the men, and distinguish hidden, and obvious, intentions. So, instead of getting off the bus at my street, I tried to avoid as much potential foot traffic as possible, and rode the bus a couple of blocks longer to the final bus terminal. Walking home that way helped me avoid some of the older “dudes” that were constantly outside, and was a much quieter path. However, it was also potentially even more dangerous because it was less traveled by most. And, I was kind of isolating myself, and potentially setting myself up to be more accessible for actual crimes like kidnap, rape, etc. But, as I grew I adapted. I learned to ignore some of the comments, and play like I was hard of hearing, or listening to headphones. I also started using the strategy of looking so intently focused, and a little mean, with my face that it actually turned a lot of them off! LOL! And, then I learned how to be polite, thank them for the complement, and tell them that I already had a boyfriend, and didn’t need any more friends.
My mature shift in perspective.
As I have grown and matured, I’m much more experienced in life and confident in my identity as a woman in my community, and how that may be viewed by others. Part of what helped me get here was being taught long time ago by a mentor of mine on how to view some of those approaches from men, and how to respond to them as well. Linda told me that for many of those men that they may never have encountered a woman like me, and some of their comments were the only methods they knew to attempt to complement me. And, this shift in perspective totally changed the way I approached and reacted to some of those encounters. It took me time and experience to master it, but I now approach and manage those interactions with a spirit of universal love, and you’d be amazed at the kind o reactions that I get. In turn I receive words and acts of kindness, respect, generosity, and genuine well-wishes for my day, my well-being, and my current work with girls. I now see part of my responsibility as a woman, of my stature, is demonstrate love and respect to others no matter what neighborhood, city, or country that I’m traveling through. And, as a strong believer in the “golden rule”, and the “law of attraction, expression of love and respect dominates the majority of my dealings with others.
Despite my shift in perspective, I want to be clear that I’m not condoning disrespect or disregard for others in any form. But, I wanted to present a different viewpoint. Although videos like this one from Hollaback! are effective in getting attention, I want to make sure that as a responsible mentoring community that we always follow-up on “hashtag activisim” with conversations centered on devising practical ways to help address the needs of help girls combat cat-calling and ensure their safety. Below are some tips that I recommend.
What you can do to help your girls!
Create opportunities for girls to have open dialogue on the topic. So, often we don’t have enough forums for adolescent girls to have open discussions on a variety of topics, but especially one’s of this nature. So, if you have a mentoring or youth program, or a teacher, consider making this a news topic to review. Show the students the video and get their reaction. And, even if you are not directly involved in working with youth as a profession, talk about it with your daughters and the girls in your family or daily network. As we develop girls to become advocates we must help them develop their voice by providing opportunities to see expressing their opinion is okay
Create strategies for safe passage to and from school, etc. Talk with your daughters/girls about how they get to and from school, jobs, or other activities. Ask them what buses are they taking. What routes do they take to get home? What streets or alleys are they walking down? Work with them to identify if there is a way for them to organize walking home in groups with responsible friends to increase safety and collective vigilance.
Ask them how their day was. Your girl/daughter may have had an encounter or experience that she needs to discuss or receive some guidance on. But, if we don’t work to create consistent lines of communication with our girls that they know they can trust, they may not share and keep it to themselves.
Create opportunities for authentic dialogue for girls with positive male role models: Far too many of the girls that we serve don’t have consistent relationships with positive role models. So, we work to include male volunteers/mentors within our network as well as women, because having opportunities to connect with positive men who can provide insight and advice on dealing with the men that they encounter is priceless. We hold open forums between our girls and our male volunteers regularly to provide opportunities for girls to hear from men and pose questions and ask for advice.
Let them shadow you for a day at work or running mundane errands: So many of us learn most effectively when we are given visual examples. Letting your girl/daughter/mentee shadow you gives you the opportunity, if youre a woman, to show girls how you carry yourself in professional settings and in about your community as well. She ‘ll see how you talk to people, present yourself, react to others worlds and actions. And, in the car you can share with her you problem solved those situations, analyzed them, and identified any definite threats of danger. Men, it’s important that girls get a chance to spend a day with you as well, because they get to see how you treat other women you encounter. And, they learn from watching you what positive and real caring male interaction looks and feels like.
So, what are some tips or strategies that you use with girls in ensuring safe passage, and dealing with unwanted attention?
This is the first KFair Mentoring Tip in a series of monthly insights to provide guidance and encouragement for mentors and entrepreneurs. To keep with October’s theme of women entrepreneurs, this month’s mentoring tip is about diverse leadership.
“It is important for the leadership of organizations to appropriately reflect the demographics of the population it seeks to serve…and understands the culture, unique pressures and obstacles…”
Kelly Fair with new friends, connections, colleagues, and leaders at Opportunity Collaboration in Ixtapa, Mexico.
As you may know, I spent the last week at an Opportunity Collaboration workshop in Ixtapa, Mexico. The goal of this workshop? To introduce global leaders in social change to one another! The diverse group of people present at this workshop not only led to valuable connections, but also new perspectives, talents, and thought processes we can all learn from.
Again, Williams talks about a similar goal with her call for diversity in thought leadership:
“When combating complex interconnected social problems…leaders are needed from various backgrounds to attack the problem innovatively.”
Her three steps for increasing diversity in leadership roles:
Invest in Talent
Build a Leadership Pipeline
Build Networks across the Sectors–not only across public, private, and non-profit sectors, but sectors of individual identity as well!
Young, African-American girls need to see older, professional women who look like them succeeding in leadership roles! That has been the continuous message this month. By seeing black women as leaders, they will start to see themselves as developing leaders and act as such. You can help support our youth by taking on leadership roles yourselves, or by electing others for leadership positions.
As mentioned in the first blog post of the month, October is National Women’s Small Business Month. In honor of this, we want to provide our readers and young mentees with insights from a personal woman entrepreneur. This week, Kelly Fair was able to lend her time and answer questions from staff about her development as an African-American woman entrepreneur. As many of you know, Kelly developed and runs Polished Pebbles, a mentoring program for young girls, and has started to market her Kelly Fair the Mentor brand of consulting services. Her key message:
“You can be a mentor AND a woman entrepreneur; they work perfectly together!”
Kelly Fair receiving the Dream Catchers Award from Lisa Lanell and the ladies of Dreams & Beyond, NFP in Chicago!
When did you first think of yourself as a businesswoman?
I first thought of myself as a businesswoman just a couple of years ago after we won successful bids for business among other much older and established agencies. When I started getting feedback from schoolgirls and parents about the high quality of our services, I thought more like a businesswoman. My passion for the work pushed me to seek ways to improve what I do, innovate, and seek more efficient ways to deliver services with love and compassion. From then on I knew I was on to something. And I felt strong; I felt like a real leader!
Where did you find the confidence to start your business and turn your name into a brand?
I had left my corporate job and had been working part-time and consulting. I was developing Polished Pebbles along the way, but really was too scared to move it beyond the concept on paper. It was not until I was having dinner with another fellow mentoring and community services practitioner, Monika Black, that things changed. I was telling her how I was unsuccessful in getting some park districts and schools to demonstrate interest in Polished Pebbles and she said, “Why don’t you just start it on your own?” And I really needed that push! Shortly after that I started the second Saturday program at a local library. Everything developed from there to where I am now.
Who have been your mentors throughout this process?
My mom was a very important mentor to me. From her, I learned how to run a business and be an entrepreneur. When I was younger, my mother was running her own business out of our home! I also had great women supervisors pushing me along the way at school. One woman specifically, Linda Shepherd, encouraged me to improve my social impression on the world. She made me think about the social impact I have and how to develop that as a businesswoman in the business world. From her, I learned how to present myself as an African-American businesswoman to the world.
What advice would you give young African-American girls with similar dreams?
I want to advise young African-American girls on the practical fundamentals to becoming an entrepreneur. Take advantage of as many learning and work experiences as you can! This could be a part-time job, summer job, internship, anything! Experience is experience. It is important to remember that you may have to start by working for someone else until you can own your own businesses. This experience is essential because when it comes down to it, being an entrepreneur is still about providing quality customer service.
Sheryl Sandberg, the current Chief Operations Officer (COO) of Facebook, inspired many women with her book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. She has three main tips for women to not only succeed in the workplace, but breakthrough societal barriers of sexism:
Sit at the table
Make your partner a real partner
Don’t leave before you leave
Listen to her Lean In Ted Talk to learn more about these three tips and her path to success!
While women (and men) are agreeing with Sheryl Sandberg, African-American women are questioning whether “leaning in” is enough for success. According to Natasha Robinson from Urban Faith, Sheryl Sandberg, while admonishing the systems of sexism that are holding women back, remains silent on barriers of race. This has caused her to question whether Sandberg recognizes her own white privilege. While this does not eliminate or diminish the successes of Sandberg, it does mean that opportunities had been present in her life that most likely would not have been for a woman of color.
In this article, Natasha Robinson interviews Dr. Livers, the Senior Design Faculty of the global Center of Creative Leadership in Greensboro, North Carolina. Dr. Livers states, “She wrote a book for professional women and she wrote from the perspective of a privileged white woman. However, just because her perspective is somewhat limited, does not mean that others who do not share her privilege cannot benefit from reading her book.”
In an excerpt from Sheryl Sandberg’s new book, Lean In: For Graduates, Ariel Investments President Mellody Hobson, an African American woman, shares how black women are prepared for life long discrimination in their professional lives.In the excerpt, Melody states, “All women struggle, but women of color must overcome ‘double jeopardy’, the one-two punch of sexism and racism. The achievement gap between women and men is even larger in the African-American and Latino communities than it is in the White community.”
As a mentoring professional, I’m driven to determine how do I adapt the Lean In discussion for the young African American I serve in communities, schools, and college campuses across the country.What are your thoughts on Lean In? How can we adapt the Lean In discussion for African-American women of all ages?
As we fall into another season, we should celebrate the many daily inspirations we have in our lives. October not only marks National Women’s Small Business Month, but also the 26th anniversary of the Women’s Business Ownership Act of 1988! This act created more support for women business owners by providing opportunities for counseling, training, and mentoring. Since the enactment of the Women’s Business Ownership Act, women entrepreneurs have had increasing success. They are becoming drivers of the United States economy.
Every year, a State of Women-Owned Businesses Report is released. The 2014 report shows the continuing trend of previous years—successful women. This is especially true for African-American women in the United States. According to the report, African-American women own 49% of the businesses operated by African-Americans. Furthermore, they generate $49.5 billion in revenue! And, 22% of these businesses are in Illinois—hooray for our home state! Women are showing their talents, skills, and determination every single year.
These statistics aren’t meant to intimidate future women entrepreneurs, but to encourage them—encourage you! Most of these women had to start small. A tiny idea with lots of encouragement blossomed into successful businesses throughout the United States. The role of mentors can be essential in making dreams realities.
For the month of October, the inspiration of African-American women entrepreneurs will be a running theme in our weekly blog posts. Through this, I hope that all of you and your daughters will believe and support yourselves and others on your next endeavor. Never underestimate yourself!
Which African-American women entrepreneurs are your inspirations?
Thank you to everyone who has supported Polished Pebbles on its 5 year journey! With many challenges & successes along the way, we are proud to have mentored over 750 girls… and we aren’t done yet!
Polished Pebbles is looking forward to many more years of mentoring and helping girls S.H.I.N.E. We hope to grow even more over the next 5 years with your continued support!
Please share in our memories collected throughout the years by watching this short video:
The challenge is on! If you’re in the Chicagoland area, who’s going to take me on in Double Dutch?? You, and girls you know 10-14 yrs+, are invited to our Saturday Polished Pebbles session w girls, held this Saturday, September 13. To celebrate our 5th Anniversary in mentoring girls, we’ll be hosting a Double Dutch clinic led by Black Girls Jump at Donoghue Charter School, 37th and Cottage Grove at 10 am. All welcome! Big girls and little girls! Come prepared to jump, turn, and have a good time! #oldschool #pastdoubledutchqueen
Tomorrow! Become a MENTOR w/ Polished Pebbles Girls Mentoring Program! 9:30 a.m. at Chicago Urban League, 4510 S. Michigan Ave. Bring your enthusiasm, commitment, and willingness to love! https://www.facebook.com/polishedpebbles
girls…thank you! It is with your help that we are able to impact our communities and work towards positive change. All of our voices can be heard and together we can help support the future of our girls and boys! We are grateful for our supporters, contributors, sponsors, and collaborative business and organizations for helping to provide enriching programs for all of our Polished Pebbles girls.
